Cape Swooshing 101
by Supergirrl
Summary: After seeing the 2004 film, many of us are plagued by the question: How does Erik get his cape to swoosh so wonderfully? The answer is inside, my friends!
1. Chapter 1

This is my tenth fanfiction, so I do expect some reviews. Read on, fellow phans!

After seeing the 2004 movie, the Phantom of the Opera, many of us are plagued by the question: How does Erik make his cape do the dramatic swoosh? Is it something that disturbed geniuses can naturally do, or did some fellow disturbed genius teach it to him? Why, when we, the average laypeople, attempt the swooshing, do we only get mediocre results? What, exactly, are the dynamics of the cape swoosh?

This story will explore these questions to their fullest, here at the birthplace of Erik's School of Advanced Cape Swooshing. All reviewers will instantly be enrolled in this prestigious academy. Graduates of the Erik's School of Advanced Cape Swooshing will be given a Swooshing Cape of Honor. The capedictorian will win a free Erik plushie!

Who will teach this brilliant class? Why, the authoress, and our very own ERIK. (cue Phantom theme music). Remember, fangirls, we will have Madame Girys and Christines, all armed with Punjabs, on hand for this class, so it would be wise to restrain yourself( Or just to keep your hand at the level of our eyes. Your choice.) Tune in next time for Cape Swooshing 101!

You must provide your own cape, by the way. Review!


	2. Orientation

Here's chapter two, thanks for all the reviews! I will try to include everyone! There will not be any updates until the 30th, I'm going on vacation!

Mrs. Gerard Butler entered her computer room and sat down at her chair. As she glanced at her screen, she noticed that there was a sticky note attached to it. With a frown, she pulled it off and read it. The note said:

Congratulations, Phantom fan, you have been accepted to Erik's School for Advanced Cape Swooshing. Be at your computer and ready to leave in ten minute's time.

O.G.

Next to the O.G. was a seal of red wax, depicting the skull of a monkey.

At ten other computers spread across the world, the same message was being read, and the same reaction was taking place: Squeals of joy. Bags were hurriedly packed, capes were put on, and eleven overjoyed fans took their place at their computers. Eleven gazes were fixed on eleven computer clocks. In five, four, three, two,

_I am your Angel of Music!_

_Come to the Angel of Music!_

_You know the rest, hurry up! _

_I haven't got all day, you know!_

And slowly, a figure appeared on their computer screen. The figure was dressed in black, with a gold-trimmed cape and a white mask covering the left half of the figure's face. Eleven hands reached out, and to their surprise, went through the computer screen. Eleven hands clad in black gloves stretched out, reaching towards the hands of the fans.

_I am your Angel of Music!_

_Come to the Angel of Music!_

_Don't forget your bags, those are important!_

_Watch the cape, I just had it dry-cleaned!_

And when the gloved hand met the bare one, there was a slurping sound and suddenly each fan found herself lying facedown in front of Madame Giry, who was standing next to a life size cardboard cutout of Erik with an arm outstretched, with a tape player next to it. Two of the fans immediately recovered, and both dove for the Erik cutout. You see, these fans were Mrs.Gerard Butler and Mrs.GerryButler, so this cutout was like finding the Holy Grail to them, but far more important( and better looking, if I do say so myself).

Mrs. Gerard(from here on known as MG) and Mrs.Gerry Butler( from here on known as MGB) reached the cutout at the same time, and it looked like a catfight was in the making when Madam menacingly pulled brandished her Punjab. MG dropped her hands from MGB's throat, and MGB loosened her grip on MG's hair.

Erik for President, visibly startled by the Punjab, said meekly," Where's Erik?"

Madame, who was looking the students over suspiciously," He's getting extra Punjabs for the Christines. He'll be back in an hour."

There was a collective sigh, and Madame cleared her throat and continued," In five minutes time, the orientation will begin. Then, you will got to your rooms and await classes in the morning. I will be taking your bags with me and confiscating any forbidden items. You will get them back when you graduate. Until then, goodbye." She turned on her heel and began to walk away.

Trek Phan took a step forward and shouted," Wait, where do we go? Aren't you going to take us with you?"

Madame kept walking as she said over her shoulder," The authoress will should be-"

CRASH! The fans spun around, and saw a hole in the wall they had just come through. On their side of the hole was a fourwheeler, painted black. When the dust settled, the shadowy form of the driver was revealed to be the authoress, who was wearing her cape, which was a greenish-gray blanket that was tied sloppily around her neck.

Madame Giry had walked over quickly, and shouted," That's the fiourth one this week! I'm taking away your fourwheeler privileges from now on! Give me the keys!" The authoress jumped out the vehicle, tripped on her cape, and grudgingly pulled out the keys and dropped them in Madame Giry's waiting palm. Madame smiled evilly, and shouted to the group in general," Everyone, please load your bags into my fourwheeler. Supergirrl will then escort you to the orientation room.

The authoress waved, and the fans ignored her, and began loading their bags into the fourwheeler. Once all the bags were loaded and strapped in, the authoress gestured for the students to follow her. With a lingering glance at the cutout, the fans grudgingly followed her into a small, dark room with a dozen seats and a large screen, movie-theater style.

The eleven students were seated with the smooth precision of a prison riot, because all the fans were competing for the two seats that were not adorned with pictures of Raoul. It became general opinion that Christine had decorated this room. Once the seat debate had been settled by flipping a coin, the authoress called from the projector room," Can everyone hear me and see the screen? Good, let's get started." There was quiet conversation for a moment, and then suddenly the screen crackled to life. Mike Myers crooned," Does that make you horny, baby?" with his fake British accent. There were giggles, and one person shouted," Not really, some chocolate would help, though!"

From the projector's booth," Whoops, sorry, that was my Austin Powers movie. We have a film festival every Thursday night."

The same person who made the chocolate comment shouted back," Today's Wednesday."

" That's the point. I left in last week's movie. Here it is. Sorry, everyone." A second later, Christine and Madame Giry appeared onscreen. She had her raccoon makeup on, and looked happily ditzy as Madame said," Welcome, students, to Erik's School for Advanced Cape Swooshing. You have been selected via the prestigious and grueling process of reviewing Supergirrl's story. You will be here for one month, and upon graduation, will return home. Your families have been notified, and you will be allowed to call them once a week.

Christine continued,"There are several items that are not allowed. One, all computers will be confiscated. Two, no Punjabs are allowed unless you are me or Madame Giry. (a/n Sorry, LonesomeGurlAngelofDeath!) Three, no Raoul/Christine shippers, or any mention of Raoul. Raoul lovers will be burned at stake, and anyone found having written a R/C story will be forced to watch Erik and Christine wed, there will be a mandatory daily Why Erik and Christine are perfect for each other, and a biweekly seminar on why Raoul is gay- Erik, you added stuff to my cards, didn't you! Students, disregard the last seven things I just said. I need to have a word with Erik." She walked off camera, looking a bit annoyed.

Madame Giry said angrily," If you'll all excuse me, I need to go remind that ungrateful little prodigy who brought him to the opera house in the first place……" Very faintly, we could hear," Chrissy, honey, what did I do?" and then," You know what you did, Erik, don't lie. And don't call me Chrissy!" It was quiet for a second, then," Ouch! That hurt, Giry. I've got my Punjab. No, that wasn't a threat! Don't hurt me-" BAM, and the screen went black.

The authoress, who had come down, blushed and said sheepishly," Sorry about that. We didn't edit the video. Now, if you'll all come with me, we can go to your rooms. " She began to walk from the room, and waited in the doorway until everyone had gotten up, stretched, and moseyed over. The authoress began to walk down a long hallway lit with candles, and after about ten minutes of walking, they reached four doors, each of which held three beds, three dressers, and three chairs. Everyone was unpacking and chatting happily when a loud alarm sounded, and an urgent voice over began to say," Mary Sue alert, Mary Sue alert, Mary Sue on premises, Mary Sue on premises."

The dreaded Sue...Review! Hey, that rhymed!


	3. Sue Attack

Here it is, chapter three, otherwise known as the Chapter de la Crap. I don't like it very much, but oh well. Thank you all reviewers, and I hope you enjoy this!

Immediately Madame Girys, all armed with Punjabs, flooded into the hallway. From down the hallway shouts of," Code one! Code one! Mary Sue army on premiseses!" The authoress, showing amazing presence of mind in an emergency, attempted to wiggle her way underneath one of the bed, and unfortunately only made it about halfway under, so her legs were sticking up into the air. The other students reacted in various ways, ranging from shrieking terror, to brandishing various magically appearing weapons such as rapiers and dictionaries, and sleeping(Flyingwolfatheart).

The first of the Sues came into view, and every student felt a chill run down their spines. Most had long blonde curly hair that reached the middle of their perfect backs, but some had red or brown hair, and one's hair was black. Their figures were essentially two triangles stacked on top of each other so the points touched. Their skin was perfect and flawless, and their eyes were either changing colors every few seconds or " deep hypnotic pools that were emerald green/crystal blue/sea blue/chocolate brown/ silvery gray that reflected a lifetime of suffering."

Their clothes ranged from rags to fine clothes fit of royalty to modern day outfits. All of them, however, bore an identically glassy expression reminiscent of Christine's during the The Phantom of the Opera song, and now that I think about, the rest of the movie from them on. Cold sweat dripped down the forehead's of the non-sleeping fans as the Sues began to sing in voices that were even higher than the last one," ERIK, ERIK, WE WANT ERIK!"

The Madames lunged at the Sues, Punjabs at the ready. Several of the Sues were the bad kind with magical powers as well as singing abilities and all the other Sparklypoo crap, using their Sparklypoo abilities to deflect the Girys with stunning accuracy, considering that about fifty percent of them were blinded as a result of a tragic childhood accident. More were appearing every minute, some carrying babies sired by Erik. Several were bemoaning tragic pasts, usually along the lines of " My father/brother/cousin abused me, and my mom hated me, and they kicked me out of the house, and I had to be a prostitute, and I developed schizophrenia, and then I got hired as a chorus girl at the Opera Populaire, but Carlotta dropped out, so I got to be the prima donna instead, and they also cast me as the prima ballerina, and I did a perfect job and Erik fell in love with me at first sight and-"

Suddenly, a booming voice that every fan recognized shouted," Insolent Sue, this brave young character! Poisoning my fan-dom!(a/n That was supposed to be stretched out, and pronounced like two different words. Just so you know. Read it like it's to the tune of the first thing Erik sings in the The Mirror song.)" It was the voice of Erik Destler, the Phantom of the Opera, the Angel of Music, the Red Death, the Devil's Child, the Living Corpse, Satan's Spawn, The Face of Death, Don Juan Triumphant, and many other fan-appointed names that I will not list here in the interest of keeping this story rated T. Think the Don Juan pants. Anyways, the glorious Erik was standing at the very back of the Sue horde, with the original Madame Giry, in all his caped glory(a/n I will be using Gerik, because he's my favorite. Michael didn't cut it for me.). The Sues, upon hearing their target's voice, turned around and began moving as a herd towards Erik and Madame Giry.

Madame Giry had whipped out a walkie talkie, and said into it," Giry One to Deranged Maniac, initiate plan CSS. Over."

Erik, who had also pulled out a walkie talkie, said into his," Deranged Maniac to Giry One, initiating plan CSS. Do we really need to use the walkie talkies? We're only a few feet apart. Over."

"Giry One to Deranged Maniac, just do it. Over." Then she shouted to the fans," Students, close your eyes!" Such was their terror from the Sue attack that they actually tore their eyes away from Erik long enough to obey. Several seconds later, there was a loud swooshing sound, followed by a series of pops. Another swoosh, and more pops. Then from Madame Giry," You can open your eyes now, students." They did, and before they resumed their DroolFestUSA over Erik, they noticed that a) all the Sues had vanished, leaving only pink sparkles and b) Erik's Punjab was not in sight, but he was calmly buttoning up his shirt. The fans then did a double take, and saw that Erik was, in fact, buttoning up his shirt. One said in a squeaky voice," Um, what exactly is plan CSS?"

Erik, having finished buttoning, replied," It means that I swoosh my cape with my shirt open."

Madame filled in," It's so sexy that it causes the heads of all straight females and gay males within a mile heads to explode. I'm immune since I'm married, with a kid. And I'm old."

Erik was dusting sparkles off his cape as he added," The first time I tried that I seduced, like, a dozen Christines. It was amazing. They were all throwing themselves at my feet. Looking back, that would have been really helpful back in Don Juan Triumphant."

One of the Giry clones had walked up to the original Madame, and they were trying to figure out how the Sues had made it past security. They decided to go check on the Christine Security Barbies, and Erik had elected to go with them for the obvious reason. The phans all wanted to be with Erik if at all possible, so they joined the group heading up the candlelight hallway. They made it about ten feet before there was a ," Guys, a little help here?" from the authoress, who was still stuck under the bed. With a groan, the original Madame Giry and Erik helped tug the authoress out from underneath the bed. Blushing furiously, she adjusted her cape before joining the slow-moving group.

After passing through the main room and the hole from Supergirrl's fourwheeler crash, and passing down a long hallway decorated with pictures of Christine from every possible angle( Erik's excuse was that he needed them for his upcoming opera Don Juan Tries Again, the sequel to Don Juan Triumphant.). When they finally reached the guard room, the dozen Christines dressed in police officer uniforms were all gathered around one Christine, who was lounging on the floor. In her hands was a cheerily beeping Gameboy, and the other Christines were giving her advice on the game. One was shouting," Get the mushroom!" while another was telling her to " Get four more gold coins, so you could get another life." When they finally tore their gazes from the Gameboy long enough to notice the crowd assembled around Madame Giry, the one with the Gameboy looked up and asked what was wrong, while three other Christines waved at Erik, blew kisses at him, and basically flirted the crap out of themselves. Erik was waving back when one of the Giry clones wacked him on the back of the head with her cane. The original Madame Giry had not answered the Christine's question, and was glaring coldly at her as she said in a low voice," Who gave you the Gameboy?" The Christine pointed to the authoress, who was attempting to slink from the room. When all of the Girys fixed their cold stares on the authoress she muttered," Crap."

Not my best work, but please review!


	4. Nightime Disturbances

**This is a filler chapter. Thank you, reviewers, and I'm sorry to everyone who I make fun of in this chapter. The next one will be better, I promise!**

To say the least, it was a rough night for the students. After the Gameboy had been confiscated, and the authoress's punishment assigned( she would have to help the Christines paint their nails every night for a week), the students had been sent back to bed. After every settled down, it was quiet for a few minutes. Then, from the bedroom mirror in the room that was occupied by Mrs.GerryButler, Mrs.GerardButler, and Vegetagarwaen came the first interruption of many. Each fan was sleeping peacefully in their own bed when suddenly they heard from their mirror:

_Flattering child,  
you shall know me,  
see why in shadow  
I hide!_

_Look at your face  
in the mirror -  
I am there  
inside!  
I am your Angel of Music!_

_Come to the Angel of Music!_

With a speed and level of athleticism not normally associated with writers, all three students were out of their beds and diving at the mirror. Unfortunately, Erik had not opened the sliding part yet, so they all hit the mirror at the same time, and fortunately did not shatter it. Madame Giry had rather wisely installed plastic mirrors after she had lost several Christines to mirror-induced accidents(They had become disoriented upon seeing their reflections, rather like birds do, and repeatedly smashed into them), so the fans simply bounced off, unscathed but slightly confused. On the other side of the mirror, Erik was looking confused as well, but it looked good on him. Anything looks good on him.  
After one fan made a half hearted attempt to lunge through the mirror, Erik stepped back, and addressed the group in his normal voice," Sorry, the Christines were in here the other night, and I was coming to………um….. you know….."

At this point, Vegetagarwaen was the only fan capable of speech, with Mrs.GerryButler unconscious on the floor and Mrs.GerardButler choking on her own drool, so Vegetagarwaen took it into her own hands to answer," Kidnap to take to your lair, and seduce via a innuendo-laden song cleverly entitled 'Music of the Night'?"

Erik blushed, and replied," Actually, I was going to take her out to go egg someone's car. But that's definitely a good Plan B, thanks."

After glancing at the still unconscious Mrs.GerryButler, he said," Do you think she'll be okay?"

She immediately lifted her head and said to him," If I pass out again, will you do mouth to mouth?"

"Uh, maybe."

"Cool! Can someone hit me really hard on the head, please?"

Erik, having realized what he just said, answered quickly," Sorry, can you just direct me to the Christine's rooms?"

Mrs.GerardButler had finally managed to clear her throat of drool, whispered," Down the hall, to the left. Just follow the hairspray fumes."

He nodded, and turned.

"One more thing."

"What?"

" I love you!"

"Um, thanks." With a cape swoosh that was poetry in motion, he turned, and soon vanished. Mrs.GerryButler had gotten up off the floor, and was staring dreamily at the mirror. It was quiet for a minute, and suddenly a figure ran past the door, followed by the authoress. The figure was a teenage guy with dark hair and green eyes, and was wearing a trenchcoat. He was very good-looking, and was waving his arms while yelling," Freedom!"

The authoress was screaming," Caleb, get back here this instant! You're being a very bad fangirl fantasy." Another figure, this one with a sword, also bolted past, and she shouted," Orlando, get back here this instant! Bad Orlando! Bad boy!"

The students sat up, and watched the authoress make a flying leap that ended up tackling Orlando and grabbed Caleb by the ankle. After a brief struggle, they were still, and the authoress clipped two leashes that had been attached to her belt onto collars each of the guys was wearing. She stood up, and tugged on the leashes, and began to lead the two guys behind her. Upon seeing the confused stares of the three students, she explained," They're my fangirl fantasies. I keep them under my bed. Flyingwolfatheart stole my Sokka, and I think Zukoscute2 got my-" They were interrupted with the faint sound of someone singing the Angel of Music song. The authoress groaned, and muttered," Not again."

Mrs.GerardButler cocked her head curiously and asked," What happened?"

The authoress dragged her fantasies by their leashes into the room, and hung the leash loops over a bedpost, then continued," At about this time every night, Erik goes and tries to kidnap a few Christines. They should be coming by in three………two……….o-"

A bedraggled Erik passed by the door, with one fan hanging from his right leg and several Christines in tow. The Christines were trying to escape, and the fan was trying to push them off. Erik had several darts sticking out of the back of his cape. Hot in pursuit were about a half dozen Madame Girys, the leader carrying a tranquilizer gun. She was firing off round after round of darts, but Erik kept on moving, dragging Erik for President and the Christines. His full out run had slowed to a stagger, though, and after a few halfhearted twirls, fell facefirst onto the ground. He rather resembled a cape-wearing masked porcupine with all the darts stuck into him.

The Christines leapt to their feet, and ran in the opposite direction back to their room. Erik for President was trying to drag his unconscious body down the hallway, but several darts from the lead Giry's gun had her on the floor and twitching. Two other Girys had unfolded stretchers, and lifted the unconscious Erik and Erik for President onto them. The rest of the students were standing in the hallway, and watching Erik be slowly carried away. Erik for President had recovered, and was sadly watching Erik be carried away.

Suddenly, Trek Phan shouted," Hey, is that his cape?" The Girys had removed his dart-impaled cape and left it on the floor. Every reviewer went from their doorway to his cape in under ten seconds, and began wrestling over it. I will not go into the gory details, but punches were thrown and hair was pulled. Several fans produced weapons, including homemade Punjabs and rapiers, and things were getting violent when a single hand reached down and grabbed the cape, which had been kicked away during the scuffle. For a second, the fans continued fighting, not noticing the person standing next to them. When they finally glanced upwards, they saw the original Christine standing above them. How did they know it was the original, you ask? Aside from the words "Original Christine" emblazoned across the front of her t-shirt, it was mostly intuition.

She grabbed the cape and clutched it to her chest as she turned and fled. The fans surged forward as one and within seconds had surrounded her. Several rapiers and one homemade Punjab that was actually a pillowcase were at her throat when Madame Giry dove out in front of her, knocking the swords out of the way. Several other Girys wearing white suits ran in behind her, shoving their way through the rabid crowd. One whipped out a pair of handcuffs and secured Christine's hands. As she was lead from the area towards a white van that had dropped out of a plothole, the original Madame Giry shouted," I know that you're all too riled up to go back to bed, so I have an idea. Karaoke and an early film festival!" The fans screamed in approval. She continued," If you return to your rooms, you will find outfits of your choice in your bureaus. Be at the orientation room in half hour." As the fans scurried away, Madame picked up the cape and draped it around her own shoulders. As she walked away, she said quietly to herself," I think I'll auction this off at the karaoke."

**Does that sound good at all? In your review, state which song you would like to sing, your outfit of choice, and your maximum bid on the cape. If you don't want to sing, that's fine, just say so. The KayErik, LerouxErik, and ALWMusicalErik will all be making guest appearances. If you would like your fanfiction Erik to appear, say so and tell me about him. Erik says thanks! **


	5. IMPORTANT NOTE

**Sorry that this isn't a new chapter, but it's still a very important notice! If you answer my question in your review, we will watch your movie of choice.**

Okay, people, I've decided to split the movie festival and karaoke into two chapters, otherwise, it will be way too long. The movie one's a bit shorter, but could you suggest some movies to watch? We're going to watch the 2004 Phantom, but I'm not sure what else. Thanks! Oh, and to Fireplace of Misery: I've got 64 extremely kind reviews for four chapters, I must be doing something right. I'm not changing it for one person, sorry.


	6. ANOTHER NOTE

Another A/N. So sue me. But you all need to read this, it's important,

People, urgent news: I need a beta. Bad. Really badly. So, whoever reviews with a yes first will become MY BETA. Oh, and you have to be able to help me remember lyrics/scenes from the movie, since I can't watch my copy. Salutes So, review! Erik is counting on you!


	7. Enter the Eriks

Sorry for such a long wait, but I made up by posting a DOUBLE CHAPTER! The next chapter will be up momentarily, and I hope you enjoy them both.

On another note, I have written two Phantom fics besides this. One is called Frai Du Diable, and is about Erik's daughter, Dominique. It's serious for the most part, but has some humor. She pops up in here, so it would make more sense if you read that as well. The other fic is called What Would Happen if Someone Fell Into Erik's Lair, and it's pretty funny.

Thank my wonderful betas, Novitas, Mrs. Gerry Butler, and Elphie Bubble. Guys, I'm sorry that I didn't send the very end to you, but I didn't want to wait to post this. So the next chapter will be dedicated to you three.

For fic pimpage, I advise you readed BlackTippedRose's The Forbidden Questions. It's hilarious.

This chapter is dedicated to BlackTippedRose, because she is hilarious.

On with the fic!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera, Witch, or any of the movies included in this.

* * *

**

The fans had raced back to their rooms and changed into their chosen costumes in minutes. It was quite a spectacle, seeing so many people dash around, putting makeup on each other and warming up their singing voices. Since the makeup had been provided by the Christines, there were several dozen Emmy Rossum(as Christine) look-alikes wandering around, all trying to sing songs from Christina Aguilera's Hurt to Past the Point of No Return, with varying levels of success.

The authoress had refereed several fights over who got to sing Past the Point of No Return first, and who had to play Erik each time around, since the real version was in hiding (In the end, they borrowed Caleb from the authoress and used him, which actually worked out pretty well since several other fans were mooning over Orlando, and flyingwolfatheart and Zukoscute2 would have rather walked over burning coals barefoot than leave their precious fantasies alone with hordes of fans.) Now she had popped in the earphones of the ever-present iPod nano and was quietly singing along.

After several lengthy squabbles, the fans were ready to go. There was a miniature stampede as all the fans headed to the orientation room, which had been transformed into a large movie theater with a huge Imax screen and a stage in front of it. The fans were in their seats, eating popcorn that had also fallen out of the plothole, and jumped as a loud groaning sound filled the theater. The authoress's magnified voice said sheepishly," Sorry, we're testing the sound system. We're going to watch the 2004 Phantom, Pirates of the Caribbean one and two, Timeline and Monty Python and the Holy Grail(a/n Thanks to everyone who gave suggestions for movies, unfortunately, these are the only ones that I have seen out of all your suggestions!), in that order. We should start in a few minutes, just hang tight, people. And to the Christines working the popcorn stand, Erik asks that you stop drizzling him with butter every time he walks by. It's staining his cape. Oh, and Kay Erik, Leroux Erik, Andrew Lloyd Webber Erik, Miss Black Shadow's Erik and Rerik should be here pretty soon." The minute she finished speaking, five masked figures entered the room, trying to be inconspicuous. It was kind of futile for the Phantom of the Opera to try to go unnoticed in a room filled with phanatics. The fact that they were wearing large hats and sunglasses, combined with masks and capes, was rather amusing.

The Eriks made it about ten feet into the room before a single phan head jerked up and saw them, screamed, and lunged. One of the Madame Girys whipped out a walkie-talkie, and hissed into it, "Security, security!" Out of nowhere, five girls with butterfly-style wings swooped out of nowhere, and one zapped the fan right in the chest with a lightning bolt. The phan fell to the ground, unconscious, and the wave of fangirls that had surged to their feet froze. The original Madame had her face buried in her bony white hands as she said into her newly acquired headset, "I told you to get extra security, not mercenaries! And I specifically asked for Scottish bodyguards name Ian and Ion and Igor."

The authoress's haughty reply came over the PA," Igor's a stupid name. Besides, you have to admit the Guardians are cooler. Uh, can someone check her pulse? She's not moving, and I'm getting a bit worried. Who is that, anyways? She doesn't look familiar."

Rohan Rose scurried forward, and said," It's Fireplace of Misery. The flamer."

"Is she moving? Scratch that, I don't really care. Taranee, if you could please rid us of her?" Before elf of rohan could reply, the flamer when up in a puff of smoke, and Madame Giry said," Well, I was going to tell you off for hiring security that zapped a student with lightning, but I didn't like her much anyways. Just don't do it again, please." The Guardians/security guards were no longer listening, and were all trying to flirt with Erik at once, except Cornelia, who was making out with Caleb.

Everyone forgot this when the various roles of Gerard Butler paraded through the door. Actually, they kind of snuck in, but it was a futile effort. The fact that they were wearing somberoros pulled low over their faces and bright pink sequined outfits made them all the more obvious. Several phans that shall remain nameless started to stand up, but when a threatening crackle of electricity sparked from Will's fingertips, they sat back down. Gerik greeted his fellows with a cape swoosh, and Terry groaned," Great disguise idea. Not."

Gerik blushed,and replied," I'm a straight man who always wears a mask, evening clothes, and a cape. Do you expect me to be a fashion expert?"

"Good point."

The authoress's annoyed voice came over the PA system," This is very touching and all, but could you please sit down so I can start the movie? I've already gotten several death threats from phans that I need to hurry up and start the movie, so let's go. And by the way, we're watching the What Actually Happened version of Phantom, so it'll be a little different. Just warning everyone. Now shut up. And Cornelia, stop sucking Caleb's face. It's gross."

The Eriks and Gerrys were all sitting together in the front row, and the Guardians(minus Cornelia, who had not heeded Supergirrl's warning) were hovering in front of the screen until someone shouted," Down in the front!". Various fans had their fangirl fantasies on leashes with them, and flyingwolfatheart was taking care of Orlando for the authoress. There was brief silence before the creepy movie announcer's voice came over," Coming soon to PhanaticTheaters……"

The previews were nothing spectacular, just more sequels. But when the eerie flute music that opened the Phantom movie began to play, everyone snapped to attention.

The scene opened, with the old man getting out of a car and entering the opera house. As he passed beneath the banner, he said to the audience," Why does a banner in Paris have stuff written in English on it? And why do we, people who were born and raised in France, speak only English?" The nurse with the weird hat clamped a gloved hand over his mouth and said, IN ENGLISH," Shhh, they're not supposed to notice that."

The old man rolled his eyes, and she pushed him the rest of the way into the opera house. The guy with the bizarre mustache was auctioning stuff off, and Old Raoul made eye contact with one of the Madame Girys. It is never made clear if this is the Old Giry or Meg, but we're assuming it's the young one, although that wouldn't make sense, since she would become a Madame only after getting married and Giry would no longer be her surname, and the old one's probably dead/housebound. Continuing…

Raoul bought the monkey box, and the audience was getting a bit bored and wanted to see Erik.

The auctioneer said," Lot 666, please ignore the blatant foreshadowing, a chandelier in pieces. Some of you may recall the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera-CUE EERIE VOCALIZATIONS- a mystery never fully explained. We're told, ladies and gentlemen, that this is the very chandelier which figures in the famous disaster. Our workshops have repaired it, and wired parts of it with the new electric light. Perhaps we can frighten away the ghost of so many years ago with a little illumination. Gentlemen?"

The men pulled the cover off the chandelier, and the Phantom theme music began to play loudly. A ripple of excitement ran through the audience as the chandelier lifted off the ground, and suddenly everyone but Raoul and Madame Giry disappeared. Color flowed back into the screen, and the music became increasingly loud as Raoul, about forty years younger, appeared while driving a team of pretty white horses. The pretty white horses were soon drowned out by Carlotta's screeching, and the Eriks cringed.

Madame Giry groaned and clapped her hands. Earplugs fell from the ceiling, and each audience member inserted theirs. Everyone watched in silence as Carlotta wailed on, and applauded when Erik dropped the scenery on her head.

We determine in this scene that Meg really serves no real purpose as a character besides going, "He's there, the Phantom of the Opera!" Thank you, Meg. We were entirely uncertain which masked scenery-dropping soprano-worshipping Phantom it was, and thanks to your brilliant insight, we now know who he is! I mean, that a guy named the Phantom of the Opera would be in a movie of that name! We sure didn't see that coming! What would we do without your keen mind?

LerouxErik leaned over to KayErik and whispered in his ear," I must admit, Emmy is looking mighty fine in that slave outfit."

KayErik nodded in agreement, and Rerik said to both of them," I liked her better as a blonde. What's-her-name's cute, though. That was kind of gross, the manager hitting on Madame Giry. I mean, she's old. With a kid. And he's way older."

Gerik cleared his throat and said, "How old are you guys in the books?"

"About fifty. Maybe a little older."

"And how old was Christine?"

"Seventeen."

"And KayErik, didn't she have your child?"

KayErik blushed, and LerouxErik opened his mouth to say something, then shut it. Rerik, being the smartass of the group, shot back," How old were you?"

"I'm thiry-five, forty. A bit younger than Madame Giry."

"You were the one grabbing at her in the Music of the Night and Don Juan Triumphant. Can you say PG-13?"

"At least I didn't have a child with someone who could be my kid and is engaged to another kid. And during Don Juan, she was practically undressing herself on stage. What would you have done?"

"You got me there. Shhh, Christine's singing.'

The Eriks fell silent again as Christine wailed her heart out during Think of Me, and the only break in their silence was when Gerik said suddenly," Look, there's me, five stories below humanity! Aren't I cute?", which earned him a stare from the other five Eriks. LerouxErik replied after a moment," I still don't know how you got the job. ALW was seriously high when he made that choice."

Gerik crossed his arms and huffed sexily," You're just jealous because I have fangirls."

"Do not."

"Do too. Look behind me." LerouxErik turned around, and saw several phans bouncing up and down in a manner remiscent of the way dogs act when they're standing at the door, and want to go out, and their owners won't let them. There were no puddles of drool, but the worshipful gaze was present.

Gerik stuck his tongue out, and said," Told you so." LerouxErik crossed his arms and sighed.

The audience watched Meg skip past drunks and people making out to find Christine. Christine was lighting candles as she stared up at the ceiling, listening to Gerik sing. Poor Christine, having all those voices in her head talking to her, telling her brava, brava, bravissima. After all, everyone loves a schizophrenic. About halfway through Angel of Music, Rerik poked LerouxErik in the ribs and said," Meg's kinda cute, don't you think?"

LerouxErik clasped a hand over Rerik's mouth and hissed," Do you want every Erik/Meg shipper around to hear that and force us to be with the ballet rat? I mean, she can't sing worth crap!"

Rerik looked scared(Who wouldn't be terrified of an extremely tall anorexic man who kills people left and right with bits of rope?), and nodded. LerouxErik glanced around nervously before releasing Rerik. Then, the song Little Lotte began. The second Raoul's moonlike face appeared on screen, the Eriks began to throw stuff at him. They threw pieces of paper, wrappers, various bits of rotten produce (The authoress said," Would the Eriks please refrain from pelting the screen with tomatoes? Thanks you."), and old socks of theirs (These were grabbed and jealously hoarded by the fans before they hit the ground). Then, at long last, on-screen Erik's booming voice sounded through the theater for the first time. The Eriks and Gerrys all began clapping, and a fan had to shush them.

Rerik said quietly in KayErik's ear," I'm glad he's using the ventriloquism-at least the boy knows something- but where did all that fog come from? And what's with Christine's expression?"

Gerik had torn himself away from the adoring arms of the Christine that was supposed to be running the popcorn stand, and plopped back down in the seat next to them in a typically genius-like way as he answered," I'm not a complete idiot, and the fog is just there for dramatic effect. Besides, I'm a freaking genius, what can't I do? All I did do was build a time machine, go forward in time, buy a fog machine, and travel back. As for the expression, I'm so sexy she can't control her facial muscles anymore." He glanced back at the screen for a second," Or she's just stupid. She may be pretty, and a good singer, but there's not a whole lot going on the brains department with her." The Eriks nodded in agreement, and were silent for a second before LerouxErik said to Gerik," I must give you credit for those candles. The whole waving arm thing is pretty sweet. Where did you get them?"

He held his hand up, and Gerik high-fived him as he replied," Fifty bucks on e-Bay, man. I love the Internet."

They watched in content silence until Gerik helped Christine climb up on the horse, when KayErik said," Caesar was supposed to be white, but since Pretty-Boy Raoul rides a white horse, I can see why you picked a black horse instead. Christine isn't a very good rider, is she?"

"Well, I was wearing a full length dress, what would you expect?" The passing Christine shot them an annoyed look.

LerouxErik shrugged," She has an excellent point."

ALWErik stuck his lower lip out and whispered," Suckup."

KayErik snorted as he watched the boat float across the lake and said," Man, that looks just like a Disney ride. All you need is some dorks in mouse ears singing."

Gerik elbowed him and whispered," Blame Andrew Lloyd Webber, not me!"

Rerik announced rather loudly," Okay, whose voices are those? Do you, like, keep random people stashed away in the walls to sing as you float by?"

Miss Black Shadow's Erik smirked as he replied," They're the people whose arms he whacked off to hold the candles."

When the electric guitars began strumming, LerouxErik gave Gerik a glare. "It's the eighteen hundreds, where did you get a bunch of freaking guitars?"

On screen, Erik was pushing the boat, singing his heart out, but Christine had pulled out a magazine and began to flip through it. When Erik sang/shouted," Sing, my angel!", she replied in a normal voice," Did you hear that Vince and Jennifer broke up? It was never meant to be, I think." Erik poked her with his pole and hissed," Your line!"

She blushed as she said," Oh, sorry! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(a/n You try to write an incoherent shriek! I dare you to!)"

"Sing my angel!" Christine had tossed the magazine overboard, and continued to wail.

"Sing for me!" Christine let out a shriek so high-pitched, it almost sounded like a scream. And by the way, it sounded nothing like an orgasm, so don't think it sounds like one _at all, _that's just you being a pervert.

Erik's cute little gondola thing(Everyone's wondering how in the world he managed to purchase and sneak a boat down five stories below humanity, but no one really cares enough to question it out loud.) pulled up the shore, and Erik stepped out, giving us the first cape swoosh of the movie. As he begins his little promenade around the cavern, every female in the audience has completely lost all control of her brain, and is not blinking. After giving the audience the tiniest smile, he opened his mouth and began to sing:

_Nighttime sharpens,  
heightens each sensation.  
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination  
Silently the senses abandon their defenses ... _

Rerik whispered in KayErik's ear," I'm not even going to comment on how disgusting that sounded."

_Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor  
Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and tender  
Turn your face away  
from the garish light of day,  
turn your thoughts away  
from cold, unfeeling light -  
and listen to the music of the night ... _

LerouxErik said softly to Miss Black Shadow's Erik," He's totally blowing our suaveness. I mean, I worked for almost a hundred years to establish our aloof sexiness, and he's blowing it with one song!"

_Close your eyes and surrender to your  
darkest dreams!  
Purge your thoughts of the life  
you knew before!  
Close your eyes,  
let your spirit start to soar!  
And you'll live  
as you've never lived before ... _

LerouxErik whispered to Rerik," Isn't that how crackheads describe being high?"

He nodded in reply.

_Softly, deftly,  
music shall caress you ...  
Feel it, hear it,  
secretly possess you ... _

_Open up your mind,  
let your fantasies unwind,  
in this darkness which  
you know you cannot fight -  
the darkness of the music of the night ... _

Every female and gay male in the audience is shrieking in their heads," YES, GERRY, WE WANT YOU- I MEAN, MUSIC- TO CARESS US!!!!!" Their husbands/brothers/boyfriends/etc are getting a bit worried.

KayErik said to ALWErik," I'm kinda wondering how this passed with a PG-13 rating."

ALWErik sniggered,"Wait until you see the Point of No Return song."

Let your mind start a journey  
through a strange new world!  
Leave all thoughts  
of the world you knew before!  
Let your soul take you where you  
long to be!

KayErik told Rerik," I'm guessing that involves living with him."  
_Only then can you belong to me ..._

Every feminist in the audience entertained the thought about getting up and leaving, but then they decided," Who CARES?," and sat back down.

_Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!  
Touch me, trust me savor each sensation!  
Let the dream begin,  
let your darker side give in  
to the power of the music that I write -  
the power of the music of the night ... _

A social worker popped out of nowhere, and as she frantically scribbled stuff on a notebook and clucked her tongue, she muttered," Lying to and deceiving a minor, convincing minor that you are the ghost of her dead dad, kidnapping said minor, seducing the minor, and now promoting alcohol? This will not look good on your record, Erik." He shot her a look, and she vanished.

Erik finished leading Christine over to the curtained area, lifted the heavy sheet of fabric, and promptly caught her as she passed out at the sight of an identical, life size doll of her wearing a wedding gown.

LerouxErik raised a figurative eyebrow, since he had none, at Gerik.

Gerik shrugged and said defensively," What, at least I'm not afraid of commitment like some guys."

Rerik, still gazing at the screen, cut in with," I think there's such a thing as too much commitment. And no offense, but I think this counts."

Gerik's masked face was turning red as he hissed," Do you know how hard it was for me to get that dress? I had to go into a shop, and say to the seamstress,' I need you to make a wedding dress for someone. No, I don't know her clothing size. No, I don't know her measurements. No, I can't bring her in here. No, she doesn't know we're getting married. Well, mostly because she's seventeen and thinks I'm the ghost of her dead father.' I just wanted her to appreciate it."

The Eriks glanced back at the screen long enough to see the black swan bed, and promptly buckled over with laughter.

"The Phantom of the Opera sleeps in Big Bird!"

"What's next, a bunny?"

The authoress noticed this from her perch, and said into her headset," Will, please take care of them. Gerik's sad, and it makes me feel bad." Will nodded, swooped down, and shot a single menacing bolt of electricity over the Eriks' heads. Before it could hit the screen, she summoned it back to her, and reabsorbed it into her fingertips. The other Eriks froze, and LerouxErik said hastily," I meant in a very macho and manly way, of course."

Rerik was still not impressed. "How did you get the bed down there anyways? It's not like it would fit into your boat."

Gerik sighed. "You wanna know the truth? I used the bed as a boat, and use my pole as a paddle. You know, like the ones that they have in Central Park."

Rerik actually thought it was a pretty good idea, but did not say so.

_You alone can make my song take flight -  
help me make the music of the night . . ._

Gerik gave them a satisfied smile that made the fans in the row behind them swoon as he announced," See, I almost kissed Christine! And I hold that note out really long! Bet you can't do that!"

The other Eriks rolled their eyes as Meg entered Christine's vacant dressing room and began to look around for Christine, even though it was quite obvious that she was not there. Take note of the ominous music that pipes through when Meg sees Erik's rose, abandoned on the floor near the mirror.

LerouxErik, sensing that nothing interesting was going to happen for a while, leaned back in his chair and said casually," You know, Gerik, you wouldn't be a very good criminal!"

"Hello, I am a criminal! A pretty good one, if I do say so myself."

LerouxErik snorted," You just left a huge piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. Who else leaves blood red roses tied with a black ribbon with the thorns removed? Why don't you just leave a nice little note saying 'Hi, it's the Phantom of the Opera, Erik! I kidnapped your lead soprano, I'll return her later! I hope you don't mind!' Honestly, Gerik, you're pathetic."

Gerik sounded quite flustered as he replied," It wasn't a crime scene; everyone knew who had taken Christine. Besides, I was kinda caught up in the moment. Who would be thinking about little details like that while their dreams were finally being recognized? Once again, what would you have done?"

LerouxErik opened his mouth to fire off a retort, thought better of it (Several nearby fans were giving him The Glare), and instead said," When was the last time that stage hand dude bathed? And his description sounds a lot like me. Or maybe you, KayErik."

Rerik stared at Joseph Buqet for a moment, then supplied," It's nice to know that someone has read the original novel. Thank you, random stage hand who we end up killing."

KayErik cheered," Go Madame Giry! Bitchslap Buqet! Goooooo Giry! Huuurraaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!"(a/n My cheerleader friend has been prancing around all week cheering, and it rubbed off. Blame her.)

Gerik choked on the popcorn he had been eating. The other Eriks watched as he wheezed and choked, while one of the fans said quietly," If he passes out, I get to do mouth-to-mouth." Finally, ALWErik took pity on Gerik and pounded him on the back hard enough for the semi-chewed popcorn to fly over the other watching Eriks. Rerik tried to dive out of the line of fire, which resulted in him kicking LerouxErik in the face. LerouxErik, enraged, spun around and tried to punch him.

Unfortunately, his punching skills are not fantastic, and he missed, hitting KayErik in the gut. KayErik responded by attempted to slap LerouxErik, but he dodged the blow and it hit an unsuspecting ALWErik, who was scraping bits of popcorn off his cape. ALWErik fell back and nearly crushed Miss Black Shadow's Erik, who was trying to flee the premises. This was escalating to a full-out brawl when the smooth gust of wind only produced by a cape swoosh blew over them.

They released each other long enough to look up and see another caped, masked figure wearing the suit. He looked just like LerouxErik and KayErik, but there was something about him…

Gerik shouted from underneath KayErik's leg," My Gerik senses are tingling! He appears to be one of us, but is not!"

LerouxErik growled down at him," There is no we. There is the true Erik, myself, KayErik, Rerik, and Miss Black Shadow's Erik. Then there is the He Calls Himself Erik, but I Know Better, otherwise known as you and ALWErik. We do not acknowledge you except for when certain authoresses decided to stick us in the same fic, and trust me, I am not thrilled with the idea."

Meanwhile, in the projector room, the authoress said suspiciously to Madame Giry," Hey…. Wasn't Christine wearing tights when she went down in the lair in the first place? They're gone."

Madame Giry glared down at the Eriks, even though they were currently preoccupied.

ALWErik, having ignored LerouxErik's speech, inquired," Seriously, who is that dude?"

He held up a sheet of paper that said," I'm the 1932 Phantom."

ALWErik's deformed brow furrowed with confusion," There was no new Phantom in 1932."

The other Erik rolled his eyes, then added to the paper," I'm the silent movie Erik."

KayErik's muffled voice came from the bottom of the stack," There's a silent version of us?"

The other Erik nodded. KayErik, being crushed by the other Eriks, couldn't exactly see this, so he asked," What did he say?"

Gerik replied," Well, techinically, he didn't say anything-"

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, there is a movie about us that's silent."

There was a long silence, except for Carlotta screeching onscreen about how her song shall live again. The silent Erik scribbled on his paper," That's a very nice imitation of how my movie sounded, but that's not what I wanted to know. Can I join your little group, or what?"

LerouxErik(the boss of the Erik clan), thought intently for a second." Sure, why not? Sit over there, next to that fanchick." Actually, LerouxErik just wanted to have another barrier between him and the fangirls, and here he had a willing sacrifice!(a/n Starts humming "And here the sacrificial lamb, utters one despairing bleat!" Sorry.).

The Eriks un-piled and returned to their seats, their conflict forgotten. "Wow," Gerik commented while adjusting his wig," We fought through the whole Carlotta thing."

Rerik rolled his eyes," Your powers of observation are brilliant."

After a minute of content silence while watching the movie(Remember that?), ALWErik groaned," Why do they not listen to us? Why did they cast Carlotta instead of Christine? When will they learn that disobeying us is a bad idea?"

Miss Black Shadow's Erik said while imitating ALWErik's voice," Why do I ask stupid questions like this?"

ALWErik replied furiously," Seriously, Don Juan Triumphant was such a success! We're clearly geniuses, why don't they listen to us?"

LerouxErik pointed out," The opening performance of Don Juan was never actually finished, because of us. And I don't think the audience enjoyed it, unless their hobbies include screaming and running for their lives because a deformed pyromaniac dropped a two-ton chandelier on their heads."

ALWErik rolled his eyes and turned back to the screen. A second later Gerik went," Oh look, there's me, using my awesome powers of ventriloquism to creep out everyone in the theater!"

Rerik said dryly," There's your little spokeperson announcing your appearance. And Christine must repeat what Meg said just in case someone in the audience was dense enough not to hear her the first time or figure out who the masked man with the omnipotent voice was. These aristocrats are not brilliant, let me tell you."

They were quiet until Erik slipped the noose around Buqet's neck and began to strangle him. ALWErik addressed the group in general," Why do we kill him, anyways? It's not like he ever did anything to us. Piangi, I can understand, but all this guy did was spread rumors."

LerouxErik whispered," You really want to know the truth? We were bored, just watching everyone be all happy watching the opera. Come on, a countess in clown paint falling in love with a mute pageboy in tight pants played by a woman? Lame. This was more interesting."

"Whatever."

They watched Carlotta croak with amusement, but Silent Movie Erik scribbled something on his paper and held it up. It said," Question, why did we not just kill Carlotta in the first place? That would have saved us a lot of trouble."

LerouxErik dropped his face into his gloved hands. "Why did we not think of that?"

The other Eriks swore accordingly, then turned their attention back to the screen.

Rerik said casually," Well, he's as good as dead now. Christine, can we have some popcorn over here?" He snapped his fingers, and within seconds a tub of popcorn, smothered in butter, landed in his lap. Taking a bite, he called out," Thanks, Chrissy!"

Then came Christine's voice," Call me that again, and I get a restraining order."

He paled slightly, then turned away.

Gerik groaned. "Stupid fop, 'Stupid Why Have You Brought Me Here'? Stupid 'All I Ask of You'. Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

They watched Christine drag Raoul up staircase after staircase.

KayErik groaned," That bread is making me hungry. Why do they keep it way up there, anyways?"

Rerik replied," It's oh-so-conveniently located by the creepy costumes. Just in case you get the urge to snack while dressing up."

At this point, their expressions were grim and none of them were joking. They all knew what came next.

As Christine and Raoul declared their love to each other, each Erik felt his eyes cloud with tears. Gerik sniffled first, and dropped his head onto LerouxErik's shoulder. LerouxErik, for once, did not shove him away, but wrapped a skeletal arm around the other Phantom's shoulders, hugging him. Silent Movie Erik patted KayErik on the back gently as he sobbed, and ALWErik hugged Rerik as he wept onto his cravat. Miss Black Shadow's Erik was finding comfort in the arms of the nearest fan, who was saying things like," It's okay, Erik, everything's going to be okay." The two students who had not seen the movie before were crying. Elmonla King of Dragons had brought her knees up to her chest and hugged herself, while Zukoscute2 had her arms around the neck of her fantasy, and was choking the life out of him in her attempt to sob on him. She was wailing," This is so SAD!!!, and attempting to climb into his lap, which was not going well, with him shoving her away and trying to scoot to safety.

Then, when Raoul and Christine had pranced away, and Erik was crying on the roof, everyone in the theater was bawling, even the Guardians hovering near the ceiling, who were doing a mid-air group hug.

The authoress had abandoned her headset and was quietly sobbing, clutching her favorite fantasy that had managed to sneak away from flyingwolfatheart in her tears. The fantasy patted her on the back awkwardly, not sure what to do with the hysterically sobbing female clinging to him. She was wailing," I could have written the story differently, and made Raoul fall off the building (a/n Looks at the small, yet dangerous clan of Raoul fans I really do like Raoul, he's a sweetie, but in a big brother kind of way. So, I didn't really mean it like that. Honest.), then Erik and Christine would have been together, and it would all have been HAPPY…." That's what she thought she was saying, anyways. It was coming out as," I shoulddawrotestorydifferentlythenErikwouldnt'besadandRaoulwouldfalloffroofanddie andErikwouldbehappywaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh."

He was contemplating an answer that would seem safe, then said cautiously," Yes."

She looked up. "You really think so?"

It had worked last time, so why not use it again? "Yes."

"That makes me feel so much better."

"Yes."

The Eriks watched the on-screen version of them shriek," You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asked of you!, in a very Batman-esque scene.

LerouxErik, still a bit embarrassed from Gerik's actions, leaned back in his seat and said lazily," This is when we get to start kicking opera ass."

They sat quietly through the scene where Raoul sees Christine's old jewelry, and through most of the Masquerade scene, even though they were secretly impressed by the music. Eyebrows were raised over Carlotta's costume choice, but when ominous dun-dun-dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn music played, LerouxErik punched the air in victory. "Those opera saps thought that we were gone for good. Think again, Rooster-Boy!"

KayErik looked at him curiously." Rooster-Boy? Oh, the hat. I get it."

Rerik smirked at Gerik," Nice outfit."

"It may be a bit odd, but look at that. Every woman in the place is staring. "

Silent Movie Erik wrote on his paper," He's right, you know. And besides, he's a straight man who lives alone five cellars below humanity. How could you expect him to be fashionable?"

ALWErik clapped as the on-screen Erik walked slowly down the stairs," Ooooh, musical steps! I love those things! And the long cape, and the sword are also pretty sweet."

Gerik looked pleased with himself. "Thank you."

They were quiet as on-screen Erik taunted various people and poked them in the stomach/hat with his sword. Rerik snorted as Raoul returned to the scene. "Real nice. Leave your fiance alone with her stalker of ten years. He's so intelligent in that way."

Over at the popcorn stand, one Christine whispered to another," Tell me again why we picked Raoul?"

She replied," I honestly have no idea. Erik's so hot in that outfit that if he got wet, it would just evaporate off him. He's smokin'."

Rerik's golden eyes rolled as he said," Good going, Christine. Hide the ring in your cleavage. You kind of fumbled around getting it out, didn't you, Gerik?"

Gerik looked offended. "Hey, I was in no hurry to take my hand back."

They watched him vanish in the smoke, and kick Raoul's butt in the mirror chamber.

But when Madame Giry began to tell Raoul Erik's tale, LerouxErik stood up, stretched, and said," We know what happens next. Let's go get something to drink." He shouted at the authoress while she was typing this scene," You can put the commercials on now."

A Brief Break for These Messages

I borrowed the sloth scene from the Forbidden Questions.

See the sloth in it's natural habitat, walking down the tree at a total speed of -6 mph. He will eventually reach his food supp- ARE THOSE FANGIRLS ATTACKING MADAME GIRY FOR NOT SAVING ERIK IN THE FIRST PLACE? Erm, I mean, watch as he slowly…slowly…slowly reaches for the banana. Do sloth's eat bananas? I really don't know. Maybe moss-WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD BREAK THAT!... I mean, whoops, commercials are over.

The audience was a bit confused by Young Giry's behavior. After seeing a little boy kill someone, her immediate reaction is to bring him home with her? Kind of an odd decision.

Continuing with the story…

The Eriks returned in time for the song Twisted in Every Way.

They watched silently as Christine said that she was scared, that she knew she wanted to do this, but she didn't want to betray the man who taught her to sing, but she loved Raoul, and wanted them to be happy, but she loved Erik too, and so forth. She basically drove the audience nuts for five solid minutes, and earned herself the title Indecisive Heartbreaker.

Cut to Erik, in his lair, putting on his mask. The audience listened to him sing mockingly," Seal my fate tonight, I hate to have to cut the fun short. But the joke's wearing thin, let the audience in, let my opera _begin!"_ He also provided some ominous foreshadowing by dropping his lit candle into his little paper dollhouse, complete with a Christine doll and even one of himself that look suspiciously like the ones that McDonald's gives out(a/n Study Question: When the Phantom of the Opera came out on the silver screen, why didn't one of the major fast food chains start giving away little action figures and Punjabs in their Happy Meals? I would have lived off them if they had Erik action figures!)

They watched the very beginning of Don Juan Triumphant with mild interest. I will now switch to a convenient script format, even though fanfiction has banned it.

Chorus of Random People, Including Carlotta: Dirty lyrics! Unsubtle references to sires serving dams and maids being laid, along with tables and plans!

Audience: I liked the Clown Makeup Wearing Countess Cheating With Mute Pageboy Played By A Woman in Tight Pants Opera better.

Piangi and Other Fat Guy: Blah blah blah. We don't really care, we're just stalling.

(Piangi goes off stage.)

Erik(backstage): Buahahaha, I have you now, Piangi!

Piangi: Shit.

(Off-camera: Piangi becomes Fat-Italian-on-a-Stick, courtesy of Erik's Punjab)

Christine: I want a boyfriend that loves me. I'm too busy looking pretty to worry about Erik's plan.

Erik(coming out from behind curtain): I should have added a little sign to the back of my costume that says," Too sexy for human consumption." Wait, I'm supposed to be singing naughty, innuendo-filled lyrics to Christine! Mustn't get distracted from the plan!

(He then sings)

_You have come here  
in pursuit of  
your deepest urge,  
in pursuit of  
that wish,  
which till now  
has been silent,  
silent . . ._

Christine(slowly turns around as Erik raises a finger to his lips, signaling for her to be quiet.): Why me? Why me?

Erik(He begins to move across the stage. His voice sounds the best it ever has, and is very loud):

_I have brought you,  
that our passions  
may fuse and merge -  
in your mind  
you've already  
succumbed to me  
dropped all defenses  
completely succumbed to me -  
now you are here with me:  
no second thoughts,  
you've decided,  
decided . . ._

(Erik begins to move across the stage, and Christine stands as he sings):

_Past the point  
of no return -  
no backward glances:  
the games we've played  
till now are at  
an end . . .  
Past all thought  
of "if" or "when" -  
no use resisting:  
abandon thought,  
and let the dream  
descend . . ._

_What raging fire  
shall flood the soul?  
What rich desire  
unlocks its door?  
What sweet seduction  
lies before  
us . . .?_

(He moves his hand slowly through the air, then suddenly grabs Christine and runs his hand from her throat down to her wrist, which he strokes and then releases. All the E/C shippers in the audience swoon.)

_Past the point  
of no return,  
the final threshold -  
what warm,  
unspoken secrets  
will we learn?  
Beyond the point  
of no return . . ._

Erik(steps away from Christine and holds his arm out): Everyone, meet my girlfriend! Isn't she a looker!

Christine: Raoul, that brilliant plan of yours might come in handy right about now. (Raoul looks at his guards, who shrug. They look at Andre and Firmin's guards, who shrug back at them.). Honestly, men are so incompetent. (She sings)

_You have brought me  
to that moment  
where words run dry,  
to that moment  
where speech  
disappears  
into silence,  
silence . . .  
I have come here,  
hardly knowing  
the reason why . . .  
In my mind,  
I've already  
imagined our  
bodies entwining  
defenseless and silent –_

Christine: Seeing as how my oh-so-_competent_ fiancé has everything under control, I'd better take matters into my own hands. (Initiates Plan DSFO, otherwise known as Dress's Straps Fall Off, and smiles)

Erik(Drooling): Uh, what was I doing again?

Christine(singing):_  
And now I am  
here with you:  
no second thoughts,  
I've decided,  
decided . . .  
Past the point  
of no return -  
no going back now:  
our passion-play  
has now, at last,  
begun . . .  
Past all thought  
of right or wrong -  
one final question:  
how long should we  
two wait, before  
we're one . . .?  
When will the blood  
begin to race  
the sleeping bud  
burst into bloom?  
When will the flames,  
at last, consume  
us . . .?_

(As they sing this, they slowly ascend a pair of staircases on opposite ends of the stage)

Raoul: Somehow, I don't think she's acting anymore. I think I'm in trouble.

Christine: You know, I was going to try to hold out and stay faithful, but I'm enjoying this more.

Erik: I knew I should have gone for the see-through skirt!

Random Guys In Background Waving Their Arms Like Deranged Maniacs: Help us, Andrew Lloyd Webber has captured us and brainwashed us into becoming background dancers. Like K-Fed, but without the chance of marrying Britney Spears. Gerry, call us! ( Signs their phone numbers out via highly coded arm-waves).

Erik and Christine, singing together:

_Past the point  
of no return  
the final threshold -  
the bridge  
is crossed, so stand  
and watch it burn . . .  
We've passed the point  
of no return . . ._

(Everyone in the audiences' hearts are breaking because this is so romantic and touching. It is clear that Erik loves Christine, and we want them to get together. Plus, we do rather like Gerik's pants.)

Erik(While he strokes Christine's hair/neck):

_Say you'll share with me one  
love, one lifetime . ._

(This is so freaking romantic we all are crying, and are trying to squelch nagging feeling that something bad is about to happen)_  
Lead me, save me from my solitude . . . _

(After completely abandoning all sense of dignity, everyone is wailing," This is so SAD and ROMANTIC!)

Say you want me with

_you,  
here beside you . . .  
Anywhere you go let me go_

_too, _

(Translation :Christine, will you marry me?)_  
Christine that's all I ask of . . ._

Christine(As she rips off his mask): Hell, no.

(Cue angry Phantom theme music. Christine looks sad, Erik looks a combination of sad and angry, and everyone in the audience screams, including Madame Giry, even though you would think she was used to it. We can now see that his hair is not sleek and black, but kind of grayish-brown, and that there's about five strands of it. His disfigurement magically grows to cover half of his face, and looks very painful. He looks like he's going to cry, but instead kicks some lever, then cuts through a rope. He and Christine fall down through a trapdoor and a ring of extremely fake-looking flames.)

(Carlotta has found her boyfriend, and is crying. We all feel a bit bad for her. Everything is catching fire because of the fallen chandelier, and we even see the music for Don Juan burning. There's an extremely cool scene where the windows are all exploding, and we see the flames billowing from the doors leading to the roof.)

(Cut to Madame Giry and Raoul, who are running further inside the opera house, with a bunch of other people. This makes no sense, since wouldn't you be running away from the fire?)

Raoul: I feel a need to increase my popularity with the audience by being a hero, so can you help me find Christine?

Madame Giry: Lemme look at my planner…. Okay, my home is burning down with all my possessions and my daughter in it, so why not?  
Raoul: Sounds great!

Meg: Can I come?

Madame Giry: Sorry, hun, you need to join the angry mob so you can come down to Erik's lair, steal the mask, and give hope to all the Erik/Meg shippers!

Meg(being swept away by mob in a Keira-Knightley-in-Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-ish scene): Hey, don't touch the hair!

The scene snapped away from Raoul(Or as the Eriks were calling him, Frou Frou Fop-o-Rama Disgrace to Mankind Wimp) and Madame Giry to Christine and Erik, who were standing in an elevator. Arms held lit candles, like the passageway behind the mirror, lining the walls of the elevator, giving it an overall creepy appearance. Christine glanced up at the mirrored ceiling they had descended through, and said to Erik," I still don't get why we couldn't just walk. This isn't very dignified."

Erik snapped irritably," I made that dress by hand, and I don't want to get it dirty. Hey, you're standing on the hem." He bent down and began to carefully arrange the skirt so it wouldn't touch the ground.

Christine's face was confused." You took sewing classes?"

Erik stood back up, and replied," Yeah, what else was I supposed to do during the time from Il Muto to Don Juan Triumphant?"

Christine stared. "Where did you take lessons?"

"The community center."  
Christine imagined Erik in his full Phantom attire, with a cape, mask, and Punjab at the local community center, learning how to sew with old ladies and teenagers, then said," The community center?"

He nodded," They have free classes. All you have to do is sign up."

"You wore that?"

"Yeah."

"So basically, all the women there were too busy staring at your chest and trying to get your number to question your mask and Punjab?"

He gave her an odd look." It's like you were there!"

They were silent for a moment, then Christine said," Seriously, Erik-Oh, wait, I'm not supposed to know your name, am I?- why can't we go the usual way? This is not nearly as Phantom-y or dramatic."

Erik sighed. "Fine." She rolled her eyes as he pulled a lever labeled," Other Way.", and they were suddenly in a dirt passage. Erik grabbed her forearm, and dragged her along, singing," Down once more, to the dungeons of my black despair, down we plunge to the prison of my mind! Down that path, into darkness deep as **_hell!!!!!!"_** Christine just smiled at the camera and whispered," Much better."

He looked at her expectantly, and she stared back. After a second of silence, he whispered urgently," Look stunned." She blushed, then did so.

He then sang in a mocking voice," Why, you ask, was I bound and chained to this cold and dismal face? Not for any mortal sin but the wickedness of my abhorrent face!" as he pointed dramatically at his now-revealed disfigurement.

Christine tilted her head thoughtfully.

Erik released her shoulders and said curiously," What's with the face?'

"Oh, I'm just trying to figure out how that itty-bitty mask hid all that, and how it magically grew there when I ripped it off." Erik groaned, grabbed her arm, and continued dragging her.

(He screams random things at her, she regains her deer-in-the-headlights expression, and is for once quiet.)

Back to Frou Frou Fop-o-Rama Disgrace to Mankind Wimp who decides to be a hero, and his reluctant companion, Madame Giry. It appears that the Random Wall Singers© have been resurrected to sing eerily," Keep your hand at the level of your eyes…"

Raoul: I'd better just ignore all the information you gave me and strip down, right here, right now!

Audience: No!

Raoul Fangirls(Yes, they do exist!):Yes!

Madame Giry: This is as far as I dare go. Um, keep your shirt on, the audience still likes Erik better.

Raoul(Sighs):Whatever.

Audience: That was too close.

(Raoul makes it a grand total of ten feet before falling into one of Erik's traps.)

Madame Giry(Face in her hands): They're doomed.

(The metal grate begins to sink down into the pool in which Raoul is trapped in. This is very Star Wars-y, in this authoress's opinion. Raoul sees a lever and tries to pull it. It won't budge. He gets one last breath of air and tries it again. A ripple of hope goes through the audience, since we think he might die. Unfortunately, he apparently has the biggest lungs on Earth and manages to pull the lever. The grate rises, and a dripping wet Raoul climbs out of the pool.)

(Back to Christine and Erik. Erik is having a staring contest with his ring for Christine, and Christine is wearing the admittedly pretty wedding dress. She looks angry, he looks a bit bored.)

Christine(She sounds really pissed off):

_Have you gorged yourself  
at last, in your  
lust for blood?  
_(Erik glances at her like he just noticed her) Erik: Nope, sorry.

Christine (Even more angry):_  
Am I now to be  
prey to your  
lust for flesh?  
_Erik: So suddenly you're Little Miss Innocent and Chaste? That's not what I was getting from you earlier, up there.

Christine: Just sing your lines, genius.

Erik(sighs): Fine._  
That fate, which  
condemns me  
to wallow in blood  
has also  
denied me  
the joys of the flesh...  
this face -  
the infection  
which poisons our love..._

(He tries to touch her face. She turns away, obviously disgusted. All the E/C shippers make it clear that if they do not get some fluff, certain filmmakers' heads will roll.)_  
_Erik continues:_  
This face,  
which earned  
a mother's fear  
and loathing...  
A mask,  
my first  
unfeeling scrap  
of clothing... _

Pity comes  
too late -  
turn around  
and face your fate:  
An eternity of this  
before your eyes!

(He gestures toward his face dramatically.)

(Christine pulls a cloth off the nearest mirror. The audience wonders why a straight man who lives alone and hates his face has this many mirrors.) Christine sang:_  
This haunted face  
holds no horror  
for me now...  
It's in your soul  
that the true  
distortion lies..._

(We all feel very bad for Erik, since Christine is being a big meanie. Thankfully, Raoul picks this time to interrupt their discussion on which is uglier, his soul or his face. Raoul is very wet and looks like he has just swam across the English Channel. He is also sporting a random cut on his arm. No one knows where he got it, but we notice it's in almost the exact same spot where it was cut during the graveyard fightscene.)

Erik (Looking bitterly happy):_Wait! I think, my dear,  
we have a guest! _

Sir, this is indeed  
an unparalleled delight!  
I had rather hoped  
that you would come.  
And now my wish comes true -  
you have truly made my night!

(While singing this, he attempts to pull her to his side. She shouts for Raoul and puts up a decent fight before he finally releases her.)

To make an extremely long story short, Raoul demands to see her, Erik lets him come in, Raoul takes about five steps before Erik drops the Punjab over his head(He has a lot of those, doesn't he?), and slams him up against the portcullis. All the Erik/Raoul fans got very excited as he tied Raoul to the portcullis while screaming about horses and keeping your hands at the level of your eyes.

He then tells Christine to either marry him and he'll let Raoul go, or she goes on her merry way and Raoul gets the Piangi treatment, a.k.a. a Punjab around the throat. Christine cries, and all three of them sing in the most climatic moment of the entire movie. The song ends very sadly, with Christine saying that her Angel of Music betrayed her, and basically, that she hates him. We all think she kind of got what she deserved for trusting a man who sang to her from the rafters and claimed to be the ghost of her dead dad, but no one is talking at this point. It's quite obvious that Erik is hurt by this, but he just tells her to," Make. Her. Choice!"

In a completely unexpected move (Not.), Christine sings a very sad, pretty lyric to Erik, walks up to him, and proceeds to suck his face off with a kiss. This is very romantic, and everyone in the audience(With the exception of the R/C fans who are trying to remove their own eyeballs) is crying their eyes out, because it's so tragic and romantic at the same time. Unfortunately, this touching romantic scene is interrupted by three things a) Raoul's annoying sobbing, b) the ominous singing of the extremely pissed off mob and c)the bawling of all the fans in the audience, because we know Christine is about to leave Erik.

Erik tells her to get out of there, take Raoul, and forget everything, which might be a bit hard. I mean, if you spent ten years being taught by one guy, fell in love with him, became involved with a love triangle with you, him, and another guy, get kidnapped by said teacher, nearly marry him, have your boyfriend's life be threatened by him, and then kiss him to gain freedom, would you really be able to wake up the next morning and be like," The Phantom of the Opera? Who's that?"

Anyways, Raoul and Christine tuck tail and run as Erik goes and sits in his/Christine's bedroom and stares at the monkey music box. He listens to it play the "Masquerade" song, and sings along. It's a very nice scene and all, but could he really pick a worse time? Okay, the love of my life just left me for another man, and there's an angry mob coming to kill me, so now is the perfect time to sing to my monkey music box!

Then he turns around, and we see Christine standing there, in the dress. Don't get excited, though. She listens to him sing," Christine, I love you.", then drops his wedding ring to her into his hand, and walks out.

In the theater, one Christine whispered to another," Why'd you give him his ring back? He already knew you were leaving him."

She replied," I put my number inside it. He apparently-" She shot a glare in the direction of the Eriks,"-has been too stupid to find it."

She then climbs into Erik's boat that Raoul is currently in, and they begin to paddle away, singing softly. Erik stands there, watching them paddle away. Then Christine, who has apparently decided that she hasn't broken Erik's heart badly enough, turns around and smiles sadly at him. Real nice, Christine. Way to add insult to injury.

Anyways, Erik then sings sadly," You alone could make my song take flight…"

Then, he grabs an unlit candle, and begins smashing mirror while screaming," It's over now, the music of the night!"

Which is really a pretty stupid thing to do, seeing as how the guy is already unlucky enough. Does he really need to curse himself with 21 more years of it?

But then we see that he has actually opened a passageway out of his lair by breaking a mirror, and he then walks out.

About half a second later, the mob arrives. Everyone gasps and is very excited about this discovery, since they will have a good story to tell their dates for years, and even Christmas presents(" Here, honey, I got you a giant black swan bed! Isn't that what you've always wanted?"). Meg then goes into Erik's bedroom, sees the monkey music box, and finds his mask. She holds it up to the light and seems to be contemplating it's use. Then sad music plays, and we switch back to the present.

LerouxErik groaned and said," Once again, Gerik, you have managed to screw everything up. The mob's coming to kill you, your opera house is burning, and your girl just left you."

Gerik replied," Aw, f off."(a/n To keep the T rating, I censored this. You can probably figure it out.)

LerouxErik spun around and growled," WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?"

Gerik looked startled," What, I didn't say anything!"

They then heard the definitely feminine giggle.

Gerik turned very slowly. "Dominique, what are you doing here? And what are you wearing?" The dark navy blue dress was formfitting, and to Gerik's displeasure, a bit too low cut.

His fifteen year old daughter laughed haughtily. "Papa, I got bored! And I knew you were here, so I decided to come visit! I borrowed this dress from Mother, she said you used to compliment her on it!"

She then proceeded to say in his voice," I love rainbows, and flowers, and pink ponies, and Raoul!"

He said in a warning tone," Young lady, you are this close to being grounded. And it was quite fine on your mother, but not on one's daughter."  
Her face that was uncovered by the black veil paled slightly, and she groaned," Oh, fine, I'll go. Do I have permission to go bug Madame Giry?"

Gerik nodded," But first, let me fix that dress." He reached out and yanked it up so her collarbone was completely covered. When it fell back down, he frowned before unfastening his cape, and fastening it so her front was completely covered. With a smile, he said triumphantly," There, that's better. And if I see you take it off, you will be grounded." She sighed, and kissed him quickly on the cheek. With that, Dominique bustled over towards Madame Giry, and began to sing the Angel of Music song.

KayErik said casually," Wow, for your daughter, she was pretty hot."  
Gerik hissed," What did you say?"  
He shrugged. "She's cute."

"I shall give you one last chance to take that back before I sick the fangirls on you."

KayErik paled. "Uh, I take it back."

Gerik nodded firmly. "Good. Do not mess with an overprotective parent."

They turned their attention back to the screen, and watched Raoul's wheelchair be pushed up to Christine's tombstone. We see that her tombstone says," Beloved wife and mother.", and yet Raoul does not have any children with him. Coincidence? I think not. It's quite sad, and a bit ironic. What kind of husband gives you a gift like that once you're dead? I mean, what would you say as you present the gift?" Hi, honey! Here's a possession of your stalker! You know, the one that lied to you and tried to kill me! Sorry that you're dead!"

Suddenly, something on the tombstone catches Raoul's attention. It's a red rose with the thorns removed, tied with a black ribbon. And attached to the ribbon is Erik's wedding ring for Christine. The rose lights up that part of the screen, and Raoul glances around, looking for Erik. It's ironic that he's seeking someone who tried to kill him in this very place. But he sees nothing, and looks back at the rose.

At this point, Dominique had wandered back over by the Eriks and was sitting crammed into a seat with Gerik. He was adjusting the sleeve of her dress to cover her entire shoulder as he mentioned absently," That wasn't me, you know."

LerouxErik cocked his head sideways," Oh? Who was it, then?"

Gerik jerked his head towards Dominique, who was resting her head on the back of the seat. "If you do the math, I'm either dead or housebound, like Madame Giry. It could only be our child, or maybe Madame Giry, who was already dead."

LerouxErik thought about this for a second, and replied," That makes sense."

Several audience members wiped away tears at the ending, but it was fairly uneventful except for the reaction of two fans.

Elmonla King of Dragons and Zukoscute2 had never seen the Phantom of the Opera before, but were good friends of the authoress and decided read this story anyways. They had become friends, and were sitting next to each other when Elmonla commented," You know, for a three hour flick, that wasn't bad."

Zukoscute2 lunged across the armrest between their seats, grabbed Elmonla by the shirt, and shook her as she shouted," This is the most romantic, passionate, sad, dramatic, glorious, epic, perfect, wonderful movie ever and you think it's just not bad?"

Elmonla, realizing that her life was in danger, replied," I meant in a fantastic, wonderful way."

"Good."

The rest of the movies passed in a blur. The Eriks were mildly entertained by Gerik fussing over Dominique and watching her demonstrate her admittedly impressive ventriloquism skills. The only time they talked to anyone outside their group was when KayErik said to Terry," Dude, you should have just sang to the French chick. She would have gone with you to the future in a heartbeat."

He looked suspicious." Really?"

KayErik nodded enthusiastically. "Any woman who hears us sing is instantly smitten. Watch this." He opened his mouth and let out a single clear, sweet note. Immediately, the nearest trio of fans swooned and sighed, falling to the ground.

KayErik smiled. "That's how it's done."

Which really describes the personalities of the Eriks perfectly, if you think about it.

* * *

Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you review, and happy All Saint's Day! On to the next chapter... 


	8. Dominique's Revenge

Hey, here's the second chapter! Not much to say, just review!

This chapter is dedicated to my betas: Novitas, Mrs.GerryButler, and Elphie Bubble!

* * *

After the last movie ended, Giry clones began to swarm around, bringing in sound equipment and setting up a huge stage. With some assistance from the Guardian security guards and various fangirl fantasies, everything was set up within fifteen minutes and the first students made her way to the stage. This particular fan was Erik for President, and she ascended the steps to the stage in leaps, ran to center stage, and grabbed the microphone off the stand. Will (The leader of the Guardian security guards), was hovering near the ceiling and had a camera projecting the fan's image onto the huge movie screen behind her. Taranee (the Fire Guardian, for you non-Witch fans)was holding a large spotlight and beaming it down onto the fan as she congratulated Will," Good idea. Do we get to sing, too?"

Will shrugged. Hay Lin(the Air Guardian) flew near them from her position near the projector room. "Shut up, guys, they're starting now. The plan is, if someone really sucks, I'm supposed to do my Radio Hay Lin© thing and make them sound good."

Cornelia detached herself from Caleb and joined them. "Even the authoress, if we can manage to drag her down here?"

Hay Lin shuddered. "I'm not sure even I could make her sound good."

Erik for President didn't look a bit nervous as she began to sing:

_Tonight I'm going to have myself a real good time  
I feel alive and the world turning inside out yeah  
And floating around in ecstasy  
So don't stop me now don't stop me  
'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time _

I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky  
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity  
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva  
I'm gonna go go go  
There's no stopping me

I'm burning through the sky yeah  
Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr.  
Fahrenheit  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time  
I'm having a ball don't stop me now  
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call  
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)  
Don't stop me now (yes I'm having a good time)  
I don't want to stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars  
On a collision course  
I am a satellite I'm out of control  
I am a sex machine ready to reload  
Like an atom bomb about to  
Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I'm burning through the sky yeah  
Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr.  
Fahrenheit  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Don't stop me don't stop me  
Don't stop me hey hey hey!  
Don't stop me don't stop me  
Don't stop me have a good time  
Good time don't stop me  
Don't stop me Ah

I'm burning through the sky yeah  
Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr.  
Fahrenheit  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time  
I'm having a ball don't stop me now  
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call  
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)  
Don't stop me now (yes I'm having a good time)  
I don't want to stop at all.

As she sang, she began to roll her shoulders and do little made-up dance steps in place, having a blast with her time in the spotlight. Hay Lin had worked her magic, and the fan's voice sounded good. Not Christine-during-Think-of-Me good, but very pleasant nonetheless. There was applause as she finished the song, and she then returned to her seat, blushing happily.

Next to climb the steps to the stage was Elphie Bubble, wearing a white tank top and green plaid pajama-style pants. After giving the Eriks a hearty wave, she sang:

_Many years I have waited  
For a gift like yours to appear  
Why, I predict the Wizard  
Could make you his  
Magic grand vizier!  
My dear, my dear  
I'll write at once to the Wizard  
Tell him of you in advance  
With a talent like yours, dear  
There is a defin-ish chance  
If you work as you should  
You'll be making good: _

Did that really just happen?  
Have I actually understood?  
This weird quirk I've tried  
To suppress or hide  
Is a talent that could  
Help me meet the Wizard  
If I make good  
So I'll make good:

When I meet the Wizard  
Once I prove my worth  
And then I meet the Wizard  
What I've waited for since: since birth!  
And with all his Wizard wisdom  
By my looks, he won't be blinded  
Do you think the Wizard is dumb?  
Or, like Munchkins, so small-minded?  
No! He'll say to me,  
"I see who you truly are -  
A girl on whom I can rely!"  
And that's how we'll begin  
The Wizard and I:

Once I'm with the Wizard  
My whole life will change  
'Cuz once you're with the Wizard  
No one thinks you're strange!  
No father is not proud of you,  
No sister acts ashamed  
And all of Oz has to love you  
When by the Wizard you're acclaimed  
And this gift - or this curse -  
I have inside  
Maybe at last, I'll know why  
When we are hand and hand -  
The Wizard and I!

And one day, he'll say to me, "Elphaba,  
A girl who is so superior  
Shouldn't a girl who's so good inside  
Have a matching exterior?  
And since folks here to an absurd degree  
Seem fixated on your verdigris  
Would it be all right by you  
If I de-greenify you?"

And though of course  
That's not important to me  
"All right, why not?" I'll reply  
Oh, what a pair we'll be  
The Wizard and I:  
Yes, what a pair we'll be  
The Wizard and:

Unlimited  
My future is unlimited  
And I've just had a vision  
Almost like a prophecy  
I know - it sounds truly crazy  
And true, the vision's hazy  
But I swear, someday there'll be  
A celebration throughout Oz  
That's all to do with me!

And I'll stand there with the Wizard  
Feeling things I've never felt  
And though I'd never show it  
I'll be so happy, I could melt!  
And so it will be  
For the rest of my life  
And I'll want nothing else  
Till I die  
Held in such high esteem  
When people see me, they will scream  
For half of Oz's fav'rite team:  
The Wizard  
And I!

She threw a few spins and twirls in for good measure before skipping happily off the stage to applause.

The authoress announced ,"Next up is one of my close friends, named flyingwolfatheart, an excellent actress(She does the best impression of a stone wall that I've ever seen), and she is currently walking in her typical fashion, head down and staring at the floor, with small, shuffling steps. If you aren't getting a clear picture, think about how the Benedictan monks walk." She was wearing a blue t-shirt, black cargo pants, and was blushing as she normally did when nervous. About halfway up the steps, she decided to buck up and stop looking so nervous. She stomped her feet angrily and said in an angry voice," No freaking way are you going to get me to sing. I'm outta here." She jumped off the stage, and stomped back to her seat.

The authoress sounded slightly confused. "O-kay. Next singer, Mrs. Gerard Butler."

Mrs. Gerard Butler looked happy as she ran to the front of the room, taking care not to tread on her jeans with her black cowboy boots. Her t-shirt was blue, and had a sports logo on it. With a quick grin shot at the general audience, she sang:

_Think of me  
think of me fondly,  
when we've said goodbye.  
Remember me  
once in a while -  
please promise me  
you'll try.  
_

_When you find  
that, once  
again, you long  
to take your heart back  
and be free -  
if you  
ever find  
a moment,  
spare a thought  
for me _

We never said  
our love  
was evergreen,  
or as unchanging  
as the sea -  
but if  
you can still  
remember  
stop and think  
of me . . .  
Think of all the things  
we've shared and seen -  
don't think about the things  
which might have been . . .  
Think of me,  
think of me waking,  
silent and  
resigned.  
Imagine me,  
trying too hard  
to put you  
from my mind.  
Recall those days  
look back  
on all those times,  
think of the things  
we'll never do -  
there will  
never be  
a day, when  
I won't think  
of you . .

She paused to catch her breath, then continued:

_We never said  
our love  
was evergreen,  
or as unchanging  
as the sea -  
but please  
promise me,  
that sometimes  
you will think  
of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

She held the last word out in a soaring crescendo, and Hay Lin high-fived Taranee. Mrs. Gerard Butler skipped down the steps, tripped, and landed at the feet of the applauding Eriks, who had decided to be nice and clap for everyone. She laid there for a second, winded, before Gerik stretched out a glove hand. She gingerly accepted it, and he pulled her to her feet. With a smile, she muttered," Thank you" and raced back to her seat, looking like a tomato, what with all her blushing.

LerouxErik inquired,"Why did you do that?"

Gerik shrugged. "I don't have issues with the non-Sue writing fans. Besides, she's a decent singer, I might reminisce the Angel of Music days and take up some new students. These girls are all pretty good singers, after all."

They had missed the announcement of the next fan, who happened to be Evanesce, who was wearing a Matrix-y black outfit and a silver-and-red cape over top. She had been singing:

_I'm limited:  
Just look at me - I'm limited  
And just look at you -  
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda  
So now it's up to you  
I've heard it said  
That people come into our lives for a reason  
Bringing something we must learn  
And we are led  
To those who help us most to grow  
If we let them  
And we help them in return  
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I knew you: _

Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you  
I have been changed for good

It well may be  
That we will never meet again  
In this lifetime  
So let me say before we part  
So much of me  
Is made of what I learned from you  
You'll be with me  
Like a handprint on my heart  
And now whatever way our stories end  
I know you have re-written mine  
By being my friend:  
Like a ship blown from its mooring  
By a wind off the sea  
Like a seed dropped by a skybird  
In a distant wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you:

Because I knew you:

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air  
I ask forgiveness  
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know  
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore  
Like a comet pulled From orbit

_Like a ship blown off it's mooring  
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the  
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed  
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a  
Through the wood Bird in the wood _

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

And because I knew you:

Because I knew you:

Because I knew you:  
I have been changed for good………

She trailed off the last note, making it long and sweet. She smiled as the audience clapped, and walked down the steps carefully, even though she half hoped to make Mrs. Gerard Butler's mistake.

The authoress announced," And coming up, we have LonesomeGurlAngelofDeath. Oh, and she either wants ALWErik or Gerik, you can pick amongst yourselves in a nonviolent way."

ALWErik and Gerik pointed at each other and said," Him. I volunteer him.". Groaning, Rerik shoved ALWErik forward onto the stage. ALWErk sighed. "What are we singing? And what's your name, anyhow?"

She blushed at being directly addressed by an Erik. "Either Music of the Night or Past the Point of No Return. And my name is LonesomeGurlAngelofDeath, but you can call me Angel(a/n Sorry, way too long to type repeatedly.)."

He gave a curt nod and said," Music of the Night sounds good. Do you want to sing it together, Angel?"

"Sounds good."

Together they began to sing:

_Night-time sharpens,  
heightens each sensation  
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination  
Silently the senses abandon their defences ... _

Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendour  
Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and tender  
Turn your face away  
from the garish light of day,  
turn your thoughts away  
from cold, unfeeling light -  
and listen to the music of the night ...

Close your eyes and surrender to your  
darkest dreams!  
Purge your thoughts of the life  
you knew before!  
Close your eyes,  
let your spirit start to soar!  
And you'll live  
as you've never lived before ...

Softly, deftly,  
music shall surround you ...  
Feel it, hear it,  
closing in around you ...  
Open up your mind,  
let your fantasies unwind,  
in this darkness which  
you know you cannot fight -  
the darkness of the music of the night ...

Let your mind start a journey  
through a strange new world!  
Leave all thoughts  
of the world you knew before!  
Let your soul take you where you  
long to be !  
Only then can you belong to me ...

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!  
Touch me, trust me savour each sensation!  
Let the dream begin,  
let your darker side give in  
to the power of the music that I write -  
the power of the music of the night ...

You alone can make my song take flight -  
help me make the music of the night . . .

Although Angel was singing into the microphone and ALWErik was using his ventriloquism, their voices blended together, without one drowning the other out. After the last few notes of the song ended, ALWErik turned to face the student. She extended her hand, and they shook hands formally before walking off the stage.

"Coming up next, ladies and gents, in Just Plain Insane, singing Greenfinch and Linnet Bird. Give her a round of applause, people."

As she climbed the steps, everyone noticed the swirling blue skirt, thin white shirt, and purple camisole she wore. After taking the microphone in her hands and giving the audience a nervous smile, she sang:

_Green finch, and linnet bird,  
Nightingale, blackbird,  
How is it you sing?  
How can you jubilate  
sitting in cages  
never taking wing?  
Outside the sky waits  
beckoning!  
Beckoning!  
Just beyond the bars...  
_

_How can you remain  
staring at the rain,  
maddened by the stars?  
_

_How is it you sing  
anything?  
_

_How is it you sing?  
_

_Green finch. and linnet bird,  
nightingale, blackbird  
_

_How is it you sing?  
Whence comes this melody  
constantly floating?  
_

_Is it rejoicing or merely aloaming?  
Are you discussing?  
Or fussing?  
Or simply dreaming?  
Are you crowing?  
Are you screaming?  
Ringdove and robinet  
is it for wages?  
Singing to be sold?  
Have you decided it's safer in cages  
singing when you're told?  
My cage has many rooms  
damask and dark...  
Nothing there sings,  
not even my lark.  
Larks never will, you know,  
when they're captive.  
Teach me to be more  
adaptive.  
Ah...  
Green Finch, and Linnet Bird,  
nightingale, blackbird,  
teach me how to sing.  
If I cannot fly..._

She spoke the last line, her face serious:_  
Let me sing._

The audience burst into applause. Her voice was good, and the song seemed to fit the Phantom of the Opera theme perfectly.

LerouxErik whispered in KayErik's ear," I rather like that song. It has a certain appeal, I think, because we are like it. Trapped, and yet we still sing."

KayErik nodded.

The authoress shouted over her PA system," Okay, peeps, up next is Trek Phan, singing Wandering Child. She wants you, Gerik, so get up there." He found himself shoved by the hands of a vengeful ALWErik, and sighed as he stood up next to a smiling Trek Phan. Her strange clothes made him stare. Those pants-Jeans, that's what they were called-looked like something a man would wear, and was that a Prying Pandora t-shirt? He snapped his fingers, and a mosoleum appeared, along with some snow and tombstones. With a Jedi-worthy leap, he climbed to the top of the small building, and sang:

_Wandering child  
So lost, so helpless  
Yearning for my guidance  
_  
Trek Phan looked slightly dazed for a second before replying in song:

_Angel or_

_Father?  
Friend or phantom?  
Who is it there staring?_

Gerik's voice was gentle:_  
Have you forgotten your angel_?

Trek Phan's voice grew steadily louder:_  
Angel, oh speak!  
What endless_

_Longings!  
Echo in this whisper………… _

Gerik's voice deepened, and was soothing._  
Too long you've wandered in winter.  
Far from my_

_fathering gaze. _

Trek Phan tilted her head, and looked thoughtful._  
_

_Wildly my mind beats_

_against you _

Gerik sounded the slightest bit bitter._  
You resist- _

They sang together:_  
Yet the soul obeys... _

Gerik's voice was triumphant as he sang:_  
Angel of Music!  
You denied me  
Turning from true beauty  
Angel of Music!  
Do not_

_shun me  
Come to your strange Angel... _

Trek Phan's voice was joyful:_  
Angel of Music!  
I denied you  
Turning from true beauty  
Angel of Music!  
My_

_protector...  
Come to me, strange Angel..._

Gerik's voice was almost angry, and filled with power:  
_I am your Angel of Music...  
Come to me, Angel of Music……_

They both stopped singing there, and the mosoleum, snow, and tombstones vanished. Gerik gave Trek Phan a quick grin before returning to his seat.

Trek Phan promptly passed out. The Guardian security guards swooped down, picked her up, and gently set her back in her seat.

The authoress had grown bored with her announcing job, and simply said," Here's VegetaAgarwaen(a/n Your name is a real doozy to type, you know that?). Woot, let's all clap."

VA was wearing tight black pants, high-heeled black boots, a crimson-streaked black shirt, a Pirates of the Caribbean medallion, skull and crossbone earrings, and a skull hairclip. She took the microphone, and sang in a clear voice:

_When the evening falls  
And the daylight is fading,  
From within me calls.  
Could it be I am sleeping?  
For a moment I stray,  
Then it holds me completely.  
Close to home - I cannot say.  
Close to home feeling so far away. _

As I walk the room there before me a shadow.  
From another world, where no other can follow.  
Carry me to my own, to where I can cross over.  
Close to home - I cannot say.  
Close to home feeling so far away.

Forever searching; never right,  
I am lost in oceans of night.  
Forever hoping I can find memories  
Those memories I left behind.

Even though I leave will I go on believing  
That this time is real - am I lost in this feeling?  
Like a child passing through,  
Never knowing the reason.  
I am home - I know the way.  
I am home - feeling oh, so far away.

The Eriks, suprisingly, clapped the loudest, since they rather liked Enya and found her music worthy of the Erik Seal of Approval.

After she returned to her seat, the next fan had already taken her place at the microphone, her image being project on the huge screen. Every student who had been up there so far enjoyed it, but RohanRose was a bit nervous about being so easily seen. After staring at the audience for a second, she began to sing:

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home?_

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up).  
Wake me up inside.  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become.  
Now that I know what I'm without,  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real!  
Bring me to life! _

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside.  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside.  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become.  
Bring me to life……

_(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life…… _

Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead,

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me.  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything.  
Without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here.  
There must be something more  
bring me to life.  
(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside.  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside.  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become.

(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside………  
(Bring me to life)

The audience clapped, and she blushed happily. Radio Hay Lin worked her magic once again. "Next up is Miss Black Shadow, singing A Change in Me."

Miss Black Shadow was wearing black three inch heel leather boots, tight blue jeans, and a white poet/pirate shirt with forest green embroidery, along with a my silver chain belt and silver locket. Her Erik wore the standard Erik wear(1800s black evening clothes), but with a crimson waistcoat, a black cravat, and a diamond cravat pin. The other Eriks would not admit it, but they were jealous of his outfit. They wanted a diamond pin, to cater to their feminine side(And maybe lure Christine for a visit). Once she was on stage, Miss Black Shadow sang in a confident alto:

_There's been a change in me, a kind of moving on,  
Though what I used to be, I still depend upon.  
For now I realize that good can come from bad.  
That may not make me wise, but, oh, it makes me glad! _

And I--I never thought I'd leave behind my childhood dreams.  
But I don't mind, for now I love the world I see.  
No change in heart--a change in me.

For in my dark despair, I slowly understood  
My perfect world out there had disappeared for good.  
But in its place I feel a truer life begin.  
And it's so good and real, it must come from within!

And I--I never thought I'd leave behind my childhood dreams.  
But I don't mind, I'm where and who I want to be.  
No change of heart--a change in me.

No change of heart--a change in me.

There was applause, and as she walked by the Eriks to return to her seat, she got a hug from her Erik. In the end, she ended up sitting in the row behind them, so she could reach down and give him hugs at random moments.

Next to appear on-stage was Mrs. Gerry Butler, clad in jeans, flip-flops, and a red t-shirt that said Erik's Second Choice(Their eyes bugged out at this). The authoress announced," Okay, she wants to sing The Point of No Return with Gerik, so get your cravat up there, if you know what I mean."

His outfit magically turned into the Don Juan clothes, complete with the cape. With another snap of his magic Prop-Producing Fingers ©, the stage was covered with paper flames, and there was a bridge being supported by two staircases. He stood at one end of the stage, Mrs. Gerry Butler(a/n Dude, I'm sorry, but it won't be as….grabby as it is in the movie. I'm thinking that you're probably a minor, and he's, like, thirty. Sorry ) on the other. After giving ALWErik a death glare, he opened his mouth and sang:

_Past the point of no return -  
no backward_

_glances:  
our games of make belive  
are at an end . ._

_. _

Past all thought of "if" or "when" -  
no use

_resisting:  
abandon thought,  
and let the dream_

_descend . . . _

What raging fireshall flood the soul?

_  
What rich desire unlocks its door?  
What sweet_

_seduction lies before us . . .?  
Past the point of no_

_return,  
the final threshold, what warm,  
unspoken_

_secrets will we learn?  
Beyond the point  
of no return. . . _

As he sang, he walked slowly around the stage, but did not touch her like he did Christine.

_  
You have brought me_

_to that moment  
where words run dry, to that moment  
where speech disappears into silence,  
silence . . . _

I have come here, hardly knowing  
the reason why .

_. .  
In my mind, I've already  
imagined our_

_bodies entwining  
defenceless and silent -  
and now I_

_am here with you:  
no second thoughts, I've decided,_

_  
decided . . . _

Past the point of no return  
no going back now:  
our passion-play has now, at last, begun . . .

Past all thought of right or wrong

_  
one final question:  
how long should we two wait,_

_before  
we're one . . .? _

When will the

blood begin to race  
the sleeping bud burst into bloom?  
When will the flames, at last, consume  
us . . .?

After both reaching the top of the staircase, they sang together:  
_Past the point of no return  
the final_

_threshold, the bridge  
is crossed, so stand and watch it_

_burn . . . _

We've passed the point of no return

_. . .  
_

They stood near each other now, not touching (Neither party wanted to be sued), but Gerik sang:

_Say you'll share with me one  
love, one lifetime . ._

_.  
Lead me, save me from my solitude . . . _

Say you want me with

_you,  
here beside you . . .  
Anywhere you go let me go_

_too  
Christine, that's all I ask of you….._

At this point, the student realized he was singing it right at one of the Christines, who was staring back at him intently. After a moment of silence, she shook her head at him, then turned and left the room. He sighed, and dropped his shoulders and walked down the steps, not bothering to acknowledge the fan, who was descending the other set of stairs. Just before he returned to his seat, she shouted," Thank you for singing with me. It meant a lot to me." As he turned to face her, she gave him a little smile, waved, then returned to her seat. After a second, he waved at her retreating form, stunned that a student would address him directly. He sat down without a word to the other Eriks, and seemed to retreat deep into his thoughts. The others left him alone, knowing how hard it would be to wake an Erik while he was deep in thought.

Next on stage was Chloe Rides a Land Shark, wearing a full-length red dress that looked like something you would wear to the Oscars, in terms of formality. She beamed at the audience, thrilled for it to finally be her turn, then began to sing:

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face.  
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away.  
If only I knew what I know today…  
Ooh, ooh._

_I would hold you in my arms…  
I would take the pain away..  
Thank you for all you've done…  
Forgive all your mistakes..  
There's nothing I wouldn't do…  
To hear your voice again…  
Sometimes I wanna call you…  
But I know you won't be there…_

_Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you!  
For everything I just couldn't do…  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you………….._

The Eriks stared for a moment, then clapped. To be honest, they were rather tired, and wanted to go back to bed.

After a moment of applause, Chloe returned to her seat, and a Heart Full of Sorrow took her place in the spotlight. At this point, Hay Lin, Taranee, and Will were getting tired, and the quality of the fans' voices, the stability of the spotlight, and the brightness of the huge screen were wavering. The Eriks raised their figurative eyebrows at her black and green medieval-y dress, with a black cape that had green satin lining, giving her the appearance of a random forest elf who happened to like Phantom of the Opera quite a lot. After swooshing her cape once, she began to sing:

_And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to go no one to turn to,  
Did not want your money sir  
I came out here coz i was told to  
And now the night is near  
Now I can make believe he's here. _

Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head.

On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone, I walk with him till morning  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone, the river's just a river  
Without him the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers

I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Without me his world will go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known!

I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own………

The Eriks, being a fan of Les Miserables, liked the song and provided a healthy round of applause. A Heart Full of Sorrow's face flushed bright red at the applause coming from the Erik section, and she managed a quick curtsy before rushing back to her seat. Cassiopeia Lilly was next up, and she stood out, to say the least, in her black pants, purple kimono-style top, accented by a black cape with purple rose embroidery. LerouxErik whispered to KayErik," She looks like a Phantom-y couch. I like it." When she began to sing, the audience was silent with a combination of interest and the fact that their jaws were glued shut due to eating their body weights in buttery popcorn. She sang:

_How strange  
This feeling that my life's begun at last  
This change,  
Can people really fall in love so fast?  
What's the matter with you, Cosette?  
Have you been too much on your own?  
So many things unclear  
So many things unknown. _

In my life  
There are so many questions and answers  
That somehow seem wrong  
In my life  
There are times when I catch in the silence  
The sigh of a faraway song  
And it sings  
Of a world that I long to see  
Out of reach  
Just a whisper away  
Waiting for me.

Does he know I'm alive?  
Do I know if he's real?  
Does he see what I saw?  
Does he feel what I feel?

In my life  
I'm no longer alone  
Now the love in my life  
Is so near  
Find me now, find me here!

Skipping over Valjean's part, she continued:

_There's so little I know  
That I'm longing to know  
Of the child that I was  
In a time long ago...  
There's so little you say  
Of the life you have known  
Why you keep to yourself  
Why we're always alone  
So dark! So dark and deep...  
The secrets that you keep! _

In my life  
I have all that I want  
You are loving and gentle and good  
But Papa, dear Papa,  
In your eyes I am just like a child  
Who is lost in a wood

_In my life  
I'm no longer a child and I yearn  
For the truth that you know  
Of the years... years ago!_

_A heart full of love  
No fear, no regret………_

Addressing the authoress, she shouted," Could you put on the tape of Valjean's part?"

A second later, a recording of a man's voice played," _My name is Marius Pontmercy_

_  
_She sang back_, "And mine's Cosette."  
_The recording played_," Cosette, I don't know what to say." _

She replied_," Then make no sound." _

The recording sang_, "I am lost!" _

Then the fan sang in a sweeter voice_," I am found!" _

The recording warbled_," A heart full of light!"_With a smile on her face, she sang,"_ A night bright as day!" _

The recording:_  
And you must never go away  
Cosette, Cosette _

The fan:_  
This is a chain we'll never break _

The recording:_  
Do I dream? _

Her:_  
I'm awake! _

The recording:_  
A heart full of love _

Her:_  
A heart full of you _

The recording:_  
A single look and then I knew _

Her:

_I knew it too.  
The recording:  
From today  
Every day _

She sang with the recording as the song ended:_  
For it isn't a dream  
Not a dream after all…………_

The clapping was not as raucous as it had been earlier, since everyone was kind of tired and wanted to go to bed.

The authoress yawned, then announced," Okay, that was the last person. The Eriks couldn't decide on a song, so they dropped out. About the auction-"

Someone in the audience shouted," Hey, aren't you going to sing."

The authoress blinked with surprise. "Uh, no. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you're part of this fic. You should have to sing."

The authoress began to feel a bit nervous. " I don't want to sing. I don't like it."

Madame Giry whispered into her headset," Guardians, do your stuff."

Will nodded and replied," Got it." into her own headset, then made an incoherent hand gesture at the other Guardians.

Cornelia's eyes widened. "What was that?"

Taranee dropped her head into her hands. "Miss Commando-Style Hand Gesture wants us to fly through the window. Cornelia, can you telekinetically hold the glass up?"

Cornelia nodded as the other Guardians crashed through the window, shattering the glass pane dramatically.(a/n I have had a huge craving to make someone fly through a window, so I finally got to do it!) Cornelia telekinetically caught it before it hit the students below, and held it several feet above their heads.

Meanwhile, the other Guardians had forcibly grabbed the authoress and were dragging her from the observation deck. She was putting up a decent fight, and was clinging to the armrest on her chair in a futile attempt to escape. With one powerful tug(And some telekinetic assistance from Cornelia), she let go of the chair, and they flew her over to the stage. After setting her down gently(Kind of), they turned and returned to their post near the ceiling.

The authoress shrieked," You can put me here, but you can't make me sing!"

The authoress's real life friends, Elmonla King of Dragons and flyingwolfatheart, had somehow gotten into the control room, and flyingwolfatheart snorted," Famous last words. You will sing, if it's the last thing we do."

Elmonla grabbed the headset and said into it," This is payback for the nickname you came up the guy I like. Serious payback."

"Look, I'm sorry I made up the name. It was funny at the time. Come to think of it, it still is."

"Whatever. Flyingwolf, put on the music."

Flyingwolfatheart had found the authoress's abandoned iPod, and busily connected it to the speakers. A second later, Gwen Stefani began to sing:

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_If I was a rich girl (na, na, na,na, na, na…)_

_See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy gir-r-r-rl_

_No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end_

_Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy gir-r-r-rl_

The authoress twitched. " You wouldn't."

_Think what that money could bring_

_I'd buy everything_

_Clean out Vivienne Westwood_

_In my Galliano gown_

_No, wouldn't just have one hood_

_A Hollywood mansion if I could_

_Please book me first-class to my fancy house in London town_

Elmonla and flyingwolf smirked. "We would."

_All the riches baby, won't mean anything_

_All the riches baby, won't bring what your love can bring_

_All the riches baby, won't mean anything_

_Don't need no other baby_

_Your lovin' is better than gold, and I know_

The authoress's foot was tapping as she said angrily," This is my favorite song ever. You know that I can't listen to it without…."

They smiled together. "Singing along. We know."

The authoress was now twitching, and finally lost control. She began to sing along at the top of her lungs:

_If I was a rich girl (na, na, na,na, na, na…) _

_See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy gir-r-r-rl_

_No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end_

_Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy gir-r-r-rl_

_I'd get me four Harajuku girls to (uh huh)_

_Inspire me and they'd come to my rescue_

_I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names (yeah)_

_Love, Angel, Music, Baby_

_Hurry up and come and save me_

_All the riches baby, won't mean anything_

_All the riches baby, won't bring what your love can bring_

_All the riches baby, won't mean anything_

_Don't need no other baby_

_Your lovin' is better than gold, and I know_

Lowering her voice for the other singer, she continued:

_Come together all over the world_

_From the hoods of Japan, Harajuku girls_

_What, it's all love_

_What, give it up_

_What shouldn't matter, _

_Come together all over the world_

_From the hoods of Japan, Harajuku girls_

_What, it's all love_

_What, give it up_

_What shouldn't matter _

_shouldn't matter_

_shouldn't matter_

_shouldn't matter_

_What happened to my life_

_Turned upside down?_

_Chicks that blew ya mind, ding, it's the second round_

_(Original track and ting, mmm)_

_You know you can't buy these things (no)_

_See Stefani and her L.A.M.B., I rock the Fetish _

_People, you know who I am_

_Yes ma'am, we got the style that's wicked_

_I hope you can all keep up_

_We climbed all the way from the bottom to the top_

_Now we ain't gettin' nothin' but love…_

Returning to her normal voice, she sang louder than ever with a huge grin on her face:

_If I was a rich girl (na, na, na,na, na, na…)_

_See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl_

_No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end_

_Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl…_

Further adding to her humiliation, her foot-tapping had evolved into full-out dancing, which she was doing with great enthusiasm:

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

The second the song was over, she dove from the stage, landed on the laps of the dozing Eriks in the front row(They liked Gwen Stefani and her music quite a bit, but they were tired, and the lure of sleep was too great.), and bolted back to the peace of the control room. Her friends were returned to their seats, and the authoress announced in a flustered voice," Oh, wait we have a last-second entry. Here's Dominique Destler!"

Dominique ascended the steps to the stage, turned around, and bowed. She knocked the microphone off the stage into the laps of the unfortunate people in the front row, blew a kiss at flyingwolfatheart's fantasy(When he smiled and waved back, she elbowed him in the ribs), shouted," Hi, Mom!" in the general direction of the Christines, then sang in Gerik's voice:

_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation  
Come on Barbie, let's go party! _

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly  
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,  
kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

(uu-oooh-u)

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,  
hit the town, fool around, let's go party  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)

Oh, I'm having so much fun!  
Well Barbie, we're just getting started  
Oh, I love you Ken!

Gerik buried his head in his hands as the original Christine, flanked by several Giry clones, said angrily,"She got this from you, you know."

As Dominique finished the song, she blew another kiss, and climbed off the stage.

The announcer said," That was…interesting. Okay, time for the auction. Could the Guardians please bring the cape to the stage?" _  
_

The Guardians lifted the cape from a box near the roof(To protect it from overenthusiastic fans), and handed it to the original Madame Giry, who was standing near the spot the microphone had once stood. She slung the cape casually over her shoulders, and pulled several note cards from her pocket. Her eyes skimmed over them rapidly as she read, flipping through the cards as she went.

After a moment's pause, she said," Okay, Helena Leonore bids 32 cents, flyingwolfatheart bids ten-"She studied the note card more intently," somethings, she doesn't specify what. MB bids a box full of Mozart, an antique violin, five billion dollars, and tic-tacs, complete with a note that recommends the LerouxErik and KayErik put those tic-tacs to good use. Evanesce bids her pack of killer poodles and a tape of her Fanfiction Dating Show. Somehow, I cannot see Ayesha and the poodles being friends, or even sharing the same lair. LonesomeGurlAngelofDeath bids nine trillion dollars, and Just Plain Insane bids $10,000,000,000 and two tons of chocolate. Trek Phan's bid is 20,00 francs. VegetaAgarwaen bids 943,000 dollars, and RohanRose bids 15 million dollars. MGB bids 900,900,900,900,900,900,900,900,900,900,900,900 dollars on the cape. Damn, that's a lot! A Heart Full of Sorrow bids 15 trillion dollars, and Elphie Bubble bids……her soul. Okay, that's weird. The winner of the cape is…."

Everyone in the audience gasped, except for the Eriks, who drooled in their sleep. But just as Madame Giry began to say the name of the lucky winner, two figures dressed in ninja-esque all black swung down from the ceiling, clinging to a rope. As they whizzed past Madame Giry, the slimmer figure reached out and grabbed the cape from her. Unfortunately, their aim was not superb, so instead of zooming neatly through the open door to freedom, they smacked hard into the wall above the door.

Madame Giry screamed into her headset," Security, security!", but the Guardians had already swooped down to the unconscious forms. Cornelia(Who was still, by the way, holding up that shattered glass), was telekinetically restraining them as Taranee and Will attempted to rip off their masks. Just as the thicker form's mask fell away, he/she/it dove towards the door. Taranee let loose a single fireball, which missed the figure's head by inches.

But his long brown hair was not spared. Weeping, Raoul sank to his knees, holding the ends of his fried hair.

He wailed," It was so be-yo-ti-ful, and now it's gonnnnnnneeeeeee!"

Taranee stared.

When Will had removed the hood of the other figure, curls of coppery red hair fell around the figure's shoulders. It was none other than Carlotta Guidicelli, prima donna and Erik's true hate.

LerouxErik, who had waken, looked from the sobbing Vicomte to the spoiled soprano, then promptly passed out, landing on the laps of Gerik and ALWErik. They, showing true brotherly compassion, shoved him off their laps onto the floor, in their sleep while muttering," Stupid fangirls, why can't they leave me alone?"

Madame Giry looked stunned. "What the hell are you doing?"

Carlotta looked indignant as she replied in her heavy Italian accent," We-a are mad-a that we-a are not-a included in-a this story-a, and we-a decided-a to steal-a the cape-a to make-a good chapter-a ending-a for-a Supergirrl-a."

Madame Giry stared," Huh?"

Carlotta gave a long suffering sighed, and said in a flat voice with no trace of her accent," Supergirrl couldn't think of a better way to end this chapter, so this is what she did. Blame her." She pointed at the ceiling.

_Hey, it's not my fault I'm tired. You try coming up with a better ending to this chapter._

Carlotta rolled her eyes. "You-a are-a a horrible-a writer-a."

Raoul stopped his incessant wailing long enough to say saucily," Total agreement. You go, girlfriend!" He high fived Carlotta, sufficiently creeping everyone in the audience out.

_That's it, now I'm angry._

A pair of hands slid through the ceiling, and grabbed Carlotta and Raoul by the hair, then lifted them, shrieking, through the ceiling.

_Any more complaints?_

Everyone shook their heads (Except KayErik, whose head fell onto Rerik's shoulder as he murmured," I like peanut butter..").

_Good. _

Madame Giry cleared her throat," The winner of the cape is-"

* * *

Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I'm not sure who should get the cape. So review, people! I liked the part with Dominique.

O.G.


End file.
